Pickle:Heh. No? Ok I was trying to ask if you wanted to hang out
Was he? Glancing back at our texts, I flush as I read them. I’d answered him literally. God, I really am a pedantic grandma. But he’s still here, and he seems to like my ways just fine.
I had always wondered what it would be like for August to be fully aware of me, but never in my imagining had I expected it to feel this good. Not just good but easy. It’s as though there are now two worlds: the outside one, and the society of Us. And though I may enjoy venturing outside from time to time, when I’m with him, my world is complete.
The realization makes me slightly breathless and afraid, like I’m teetering on the high crest of a roller coaster, about to plummet. If being with August can make me feel this good, how bad will I feel if he’s not in my life?
I don’t want to think about that. But I must.
We act like a loving couple for the public, sharing a few kisses for show, smiling for the cameras. In private, however, we’re good friends.Affectionatefriends. But there’s a definite line. I should know; I was very clear about putting it there. And August has no problem maintaining that line.
Oh, he flirts. He’s an expert at it, and when he does, I drink it down like fine wine. Being with August is like going on a dream vacation. Everything is beautiful. Vivid, fun, exhilarating. I’m more relaxed but also more present in the moment than I’ve ever been.
But like a vacation, this has an end date. And I’m not sure I can keep up with the act. Not when we’re alone, at any rate. I have to tell him how I feel. If only for my own mental well-being. It makes my heart hurt. Physicallyhurt.
My hand trembles so hard it’s difficult to text.
Pen:Come over. I’ll make you dinner
Pickle:Srsly? You’re my favorite girl, Pen
The sentiment has my lower lip wobbling. Why am I doing this? I don’t have to. I can keep going as we have been.
And become totally miserable.
Since August has some sort of freaky precognition when it comes to my text moods, I go flirty instead. Because if he asks what’s wrong now, I’ll lose it.
Pen:Men. Offer them food and they’re all smiles.
Pickle:See what happens if you add dessert onto that, Sweets. ??
Oh, he’s so cute.
“Sooo cute,” I whisper, a bit weepy. I doubt most people realize that about him. What if I never get these kinds of texts again? The thought is intolerable.
Pen:Give me about an hour
Pickle:See you soon
“Shit.” I run a hand through my hair and sigh.
PennyWise:I think I liked it better when I didn’t have a pretend boyfriend
JuneBug:Trouble in paradise already?!? Say it ain’t so!
MayDay:if there is, it’s Augie’s fault
JuneBug:Obvs
MayDay:Because our Pen would never!
PennyWise:It’s NOT August’s fault. He’s fine. Great. Too great
PennyWise:I’m the problem.
MayDay:Problem= U want 2 ride him like a see-saw. Up. Down. Up. Down.
JuneBug:Gak. NO
