“Our hunger is biology, nothing more.It’s not some urge you have to suppress by an act of the will.”
“I didn’t say it’s a matter of exerting your will.It’s about submitting your will to God’s!”
Desiderius shook his head.“You can’t conquer the need to feed.”His ran his fingers through his scraggly dark hair.“I’ve watched countless vampires search for meaning in their affliction, Alice.Some called it divine punishment.Others, a test from God.The truth is simpler and crueler—we are what we are, and we must survive.”
I shook my head.“I can’t believe you’re saying this.You’ve been surviving on the Eucharist longer than I have!Why don’t you get it?”
“Experience, Alice.I share your faith, but you can’t apply the principles that a human might experience through fasting to our condition.Our cravings are different, deeper, more primal.”
“Than the need to eat?”I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.“Seems pretty primal to me.Everyone eats, Desiderius.It’s as important to humans as it is to us.The biggest difference is that we have a more… restrictive diet.”
He huffed a little in response.“Even if a human engages in a spiritual fast, it can’t last forever.Eventually, he has to eat.The difference is that if a human starves himself to death, he’ll become a motionless corpse.If we do it, we die in a sense, but we become deadly monsters.”
“Survival without purpose is merely existence,” I shot back, surprising myself with the vehemence.“Father O’Malley understood that.He saw our potential for redemption—“
“Father O’Malley is dying in New York while we debate vampire theology in the woods.”Desiderius’s tone sharpened.“And if Matthias spoke truth, the priest may be in danger if we go to him.Remember, Silas tried to murder him for helping us before.”
The thought of Father O’Malley being attacked again made my stomach twist.Sure, he was near death already it seemed, but he deserved to die in peace, naturally, not slaughtered by the Order.“He told us to endure.To wait.He didn’t invite us to follow—“
“Because he knew we’d come if he asked.”Desiderius moved closer.“He knew we’d have to face this eventually.Following him to New York would only delay the trial we’d inevitably have to endure.”
“Father John still doesn’t have an answer from the bishop.If we can just endure a little longer—“
“The Order might wipe us out of existence if we wait alittle longer, Alice.”
I wanted to argue further, to defend my position with more of St.Teresa’s wisdom, but something else demanded attention.The shelter door behind us stood slightly ajar, though I could swear I’d secured it when we’d left.Or had I forgotten, too distracted by my condition?
“Desiderius,” I whispered.
He followed my gaze, understanding immediately.We moved as one toward the entrance, though my steps were far less graceful than his.The wooden door swung inward at his touch, revealing the empty darkness within.
“When?”I asked, though I already knew.
“While we were debating,” Desiderius replied, examining the disturbed earth where they’d been.“Like I said, when we’re distracted, without focus, we can miss things.
I clenched my fists, angry at myself for not noticing.“The hunger finally overwhelmed them.”
“They are too young,” Desiderius pinched his chin.“Rebecca especially.Minimal control even when attending Mass nightly.”He shook his head.“I’m surprised they lasted this long.”
“We have to find them.”The words emerged as barely a whisper.“Before they—“
“Before they kill,” he finished.“Yes.Though given their head start and our weakened condition, we may already be too late.”
The surrounding forest was pitch black.Somewhere out there, Ruth and Rebecca moved through the night, driven by a hunger that had stripped away everything Father O’Malley had taught them, everything I’d tried to instill.They would hunt.They would feed.They would kill.
“Can you sense them?”Desiderius asked.“The way I sense Matthias?”
I closed my eyes, searching for some connection, some invisible thread linking me to my progeny.But where Desiderius felt his centuries-old bond clearly, I found only emptiness.The hunger had consumed too much of me, or perhaps I’d never properly learned to feel what should have been instinctive.
“Nothing,” I admitted, opening my eyes to find him studying me with an expression I couldn’t read.
“If you cannot sense them, we’ll have no recourse but to follow the screams,” he said grimly.“And pray we’re not too late.”
“There has to be another way!”
Desiderius moved closer.“You’re young for a vampire to have progeny, but the connection exists whether or not you realize it.”
“I told you, I feel nothing.”My voice cracked on the last word.“No pull, no sense of them.Nothing but this awful hunger.”
