“It’s not in any of the pictures,” he says.
I feel the pop of the button, the quick descent of the zipper, cool air hitting my skin.
I teeter on the edge of what to do. On one hand I want the world to know the truth and this will definitely prove it to at least Vaughn. On the other hand, I don’t want him to think he has the right to put his hands on my body whenever he wants.
I bite into his chest. Hard.
“Claire, what the fuck?” he grunts, loosening his grip on me.
“Rich boy, you need to learn you can’t manhandle me whenever you see fit,” I say.
The hand that wrapped in my shirt lifts up and clamps around my chin, holding my jaw in place. “Then show me yourself.”
He holds me like this for a moment then pulls his hands away, dropping his eyes to the floor. “You don’t get it, do you?” His voice is full of some emotion I can’t pinpoint. “Ineedto know.”
I shove my palms to his chest and push him away. I want to show him. I want someone, anyone to believe me, but it isn’t fair. Why is it me that always has to prove my worth to everyone else? I don’t think anymore, I just move. I tie up my shirt, just below my bra, then slide my jeans and undies over my hips.
He stares for a moment, and his expression softens. Then he drops to his knees in front of me. And before I could yank back up my pants, he presses his lips to the heart-shaped birthmark he remembered from a decade ago.
Jumping away, I wrestle my jeans back up over my hips and end up with an instant wedgie. I’m too angry to care. I bounce back and slap him hard in the arm. “Thanks for questioning my morals, there’s a mirror,” I shout, pointing to our shattered reflection in the glass. “Face it and ask yourself why you’d sleep with someone you thought did that if you were so upset by it. And don’t tell me because at the moment I wasn’t Claire and you weren’t Vaughn. So why did you sleep with me?”
“Because youareClaire, that’s why,” he whispers.
“I don’t understand what that means,” I whine.
He takes a step closer to me.Oh, he’s got to be stupid.
“It means, standing in front of you I’m fifteen again. And I’m—” his voice cracks. “I’m absolutely enthralled by you—everything about you excites me and turns me on.”
“Well, good for you!” I shriek, waving my hands in mock celebration. “You got to screw the slut thenand now! Congratulations, you’ve won nothing but a ten-second orgasm.”
“Don’t do that, Claire,” he breathes. “Don’t stand there and deny what we were.”
“Enlighten me with what we were then, Montgomery.”
“We were naïve and very happy. Jesus Christ, Claire, I fell in love with you because of a smile. The silliest little thing. A twist and curve of your lips and I wasdone. And I was fucking six years old.” He takes another step closer and lifts his hand to my chin, brushing a thumb along my bottom lip. “That smile, Jesus. I thought it was just for me. Because of me. It was like the sun lived in the blush of your cheeks and the pink of your lips. You were my sunrise, until that day when all the lights went out. You know what, Claire Radcliffe? In my life there were a few women, but there was only ever one where it felt right. And that was you; it’s always been you.”
“If any of that were true, how could it have been so easy to forget me?” I ask.
“I have never said I forgot you. Ever. I’d be lying if I did,” he says.
“None of it matters now,” I whisper.
“Our parents hurt us more than anyone could ever know. We should have been together this whole time. We could have been more…We could have been us.”
Vaughn and I sit on the bed silently for a while. Both of us staring out the bedroom window, fogged with our breath, as the sun rises in the sky, above the heavy storm clouds and snow that rob us of the view.
