I hear nothing.
My body sinks into the silence and I let myself go limp, leaning my back on the door.
Then from the other side, pounding explodes through the wood, pulsating through my bones. I stumble back and scream. Did Match 1 find me? Did he somehow follow me home?
Weapon, my mind yells. I need a weapon! A knife or a gun. Where the fuck would I get a gun from? I run into the kitchen and yank one my knives out of the drawer. My hands shake as I hold it out in front of me and lunge back into the living room.
More pounding on the door.
“I’m calling 911!” I shout at the door. I stumble to the couch to get my phone.
“Jane! Just open the goddamn door! It’s me!”
I freeze—pulse roaring in my ears—my breath trapped in my lungs. How does he know my name! Hysteria and panic bubbles up my chest. The doorknob jiggles like he’s trying to get in. Then the fucking door opens and terror almost blinds me. I stagger back, holding back the knife when Dex’s face appears where Match 1’s unfamiliar face should be.
“A knife? What the hell, Jane?”
My fingers tremble and the knife slips out of my grasp and suddenly the room is spinning way too fast and I can’t catch my breath. “Dex?”
“Where the fuck is he?”
“Wh-who?” Is he looking for Match 1? How does he know about him?
“Nate!” Dex roars.
My knees buckle and I collapse down onto the couch, missing the edge completely and slamming my bottom to the floor. The rug burns against my skin.
Dex rushes forward and crouches down in front of me. “Jane? Are you okay? What happened? What did he do? Let me see your lip?” He holds up my chin and looks at my lip, pressing it with the fingers on his other hand until I push off of him.
“H…how did you know about my lip?” I stammer.
He levels his eyes with mine, tilting his head like he’s waiting for me to figure something—
“Oh my God.” I point my finger out to him. “It’s you? You’re Match 1?”
He pulls himself off the floor and slumps onto the edge of the couch, elbows on his knees, hands dangling loosely between them. “You really didn’t know?” His expression is full of pain.
Tears well in my eyes. “Know what? That you were pretending to be someone else? This whole time? Someone I…Oh my God.” I cover my mouth, gagging over the words. There was never a Match 1, it was Dex the entire time?
I sexted with Dex!
It was like Gail’s costume ball all over again!
He shakes his head and rubs at the back of his neck and looks back down at me, but I don’t dare meet his eyes.
“Jane. You blocked me out of your life and…I couldn’t…I can’t just…”
I blink up at him, but I can’t look at him for more than a flicker at a time. “All along you’ve been the one telling me what to write and do with Gail? You were giving me advice about…about you?” I start to cry, tears streaking down my face. I don’t wipe them away and try to hide them like I always do. No, I want him to see them. I want him to see how much I hurt.
He leans forward and cups his hands around my cheeks and wipes away my tears with his thumbs. He gently tilts my head up, so the only thing I can see is him. “You told Julia you wanted to erase everything that happened between us and start over. This was the only way I could think of doing it, Jane.” His eyes dart back and forth between mine. “I was hoping when you sent me those pictures the other night. When you were wearing my jersey…I was hoping you realized it was me.”
“I thought a serial killer was after me tonight,” my voice trembles.
“Janie, Iloveyou. And I fucked up. I wasn’t there when you needed me. And I will never again give you an excuse or a reason—there isn’t one. But, I’m here now.”
“It hurts too much,” I say, grasping his wrists. I want to pull them off, but I also want to keep them on me. Both desires make me cry harder.
“I’m not a guy to do grand gestures, but I’m the guy who will always love you enough to have your back and help you grow, and if you don’t want me, that’s fine. It’s fine. But if you ever loved me or if there’s a small sliver of a chance you still do, please…please let me stay here tonight and please come with me somewhere tomorrow without any fear or question. Please, Jane? Just do this one last thing for me—no, not for me, for us…for you—before you leave me for good?”
