“You can’t blame time or distance when your heart just gave up on me.” I slip out from behind the table and stand in front of him, toe to toe. “Tell me, Dex, was I really that hard to love? Was it quick, forgetting all about me?”
“You have no idea how much I was in love with you,” he says through clenched teeth.
“Was,” I repeat the word that completely shatters me.
He takes a tight breath, and his eyes dart back and forth between mine.
“See how you’re not correcting the tense of that word, Dex?” I shake my head and look around over the faces of everyone watching us.
“There’s a lot of shit that’s happened between us. There’s a lot of shit I’m going through right now with the lawsuit and—”
“Too much to have me back in your life, right?” I choke on a cry.
His lips tighten, and he shrugs. “Why don’t we ask Nate? He’s another big part of what’s between us, right? The fact that you’re still in love with him?”
“No, actually I’m not.”
“You’re lying. Nate told me about going over to your apartment and how he was there for you while I was gone—”
“Well, whatever he said was a lie, unless all he told you was that he kissed me and I cried and said I was still in love with you.”
Dex’s entire body stills. “You’re what?”
I grab my purse from off the table and walk past him. The date-dashers are whispering behind me as I make my way to the door, tears streaming down my face. I don’t even know what the hell just happened. All I know is that I still have feelings for someone who I shouldn’t, and I’ve never felt so vulnerable as I do right now, spiraling in front of everyone in this stupid bar, airing all my dirty laundry.
I still haven’t told him about why I didn’t have my phone. And I know logically this is the most inappropriate time to explain, but reason and rationality have left by brain and all I have left is hurt and resentment and so much fucking anger.
I stop by the door and stand in front of the plant I knocked over hiding behind. I spin on the balls of my feet and face the room. Every part of my body is trembling.
Of course every face is already looking at me with wide eyes and bated breath—even Merry-death, who is grasping a fist to her chest.
Dex is in the same stunned position.
“Four days, that’s all it took for everything to change for you because you didn’t hear from me,” I sigh, my hands dropping heavily to my sides. “And whileyouwere throwing a man-sized Pippa-revenge sex tantrum, I was in the hospital becauseIwas the real one pregnant with your baby. Except that it wasn’t a healthy pregnancy. It was tubal and it ruptured one of my fallopian tubes causing me to hemorrhage and have to be rushed to the emergency room.”
“You? You were…preg…” His voice cracks.
A small sob escapes past my lips. Everyone is staring at me with pity-filled eyes, even Merry-death.
Dex moves forward, but I shake my head and hold up my hand. “Don’t. Don’t come near me and don’t touch me. I can’t think straight when you’re this close and you touching me is just…” I can’t even finish.
His face crumples, “Jane. Why didn’t you call me? Tell me? Reach out. Anything? It’s been a goddamn month.”
“Because you told me not you tell you I was pregnant too, remember?” The tears streaming down my face now are unstoppable. “And when I tried to get to you, you were too busy with Pippa. So, me ghosting you was a desperate act of self-preservation. And me kissing Nate was a hopeless attempt of trying to get over you.”
I step back, my view blurry from the tears. “But don’t you worry, Vanstone. I got it now, it’s definitely time to let go of anything we could have been.” I try my best for a smile. I’m sure it comes across frightening. “A pint of Ben & Jerry’s and a good book, and I’ll be over you by morning.”
I walk all the way home, not even bothering to go back to the office or check in with Gail. I write a quick emotion-fueled article, send it to Gail, and throw out a generic post to the world.Ex-boyfriend status: I don’t exactly hate him but if he was on fire and I have water. I’d drink it. #SingleIsTheNewBlack #BookBoyfriendsAreBetter
Then Iorigamimyself up onto my huge king-sized bed with my iPad and ugly-cry into that pint of ice cream, while browsing the new releases in ebooks.
Fictional boyfriends are a much safer bet for me.
Chapter 10
“This is a bad idea. What if someone’s in there?” Julia hisses. “It’s almost nine-thirty at night. What’s our excuse for being here so late?” She jerks back from the stairwell door and shines her flashlight right in my eyes.
“Oh my God, you’re blinding me! Put that thing down,” I snap, moving the flashlight to point somewhere other than my pupils. “Haven’t you ever been here at night?”
