The woman stands up and offers me a nervous smile. Her clothes are all wrinkled and there’s a dark stain on her shirt in the shape of a small handprint. Up close she looks older than I first thought. There are the beginnings of fine lines around her eyes, and dozens of small strands of gray hairs frame her pretty face. I love her already. “I’m Megan. Declan’s sister. I, um, I answered the door that day when you came over.” She bounces as she talks, rocking the child in her arms. The other little boy starts spinning the chair around and around again.
“Yes, of course I remember. Is…is everything okay? Is Dex okay?”
“That’s why I’m here. I’m so worried about him. Last week he was so excited, he wanted to introduce us to you, and then all of a sudden, he has a baby? I’m so angry for him and I…” she looks around the room and collapses back into the chair. “I don’t really know what my intention was coming here. I just…I want you to know Dex was happy with you. I haven’t seen him so happy with anyone, and I thought you should know.”
I pull out a chair and sit as well.
The little boy climbs into the chair next to me and lifts up his shirt to show me his belly button and makes a bunch of wet slurping fart noises.
“Impressive skills, there, little man.” I roll my chair sideways and reach out behind me to the cabinet and look at Megan. “They keep some snacks in here. Can I offer him something?”
“Nothing with too much sugar, thank you.”
I dig in the drawer until I find a package of goldfish and open it for him. “What are their names?” I ask, watching his chubby little fingers plunge into the bag.
“This is Sean, and up here asleep is little Maggie.”
I wave at Sean, who promptly shares a wet slobbery goldfish from out of his mouth with me.
“Wow. Thank you,” I say and pretend to gobble it down. I lift my eyes to meet Megan’s and take a deep breath, struggling to keep my emotions in check. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.” I lean my elbows on the conference table and rub my hands over my face and through my hair. The wet goldfish still in my hand melts into mush and sticks to my forehead and tangles into the strands of my messy bun. I must look a complete disaster. “I wish it didn’t happen, but me saying that out loud hurts him. But between you and me, I really hope…” God forgive me and I pray Karma doesn’t come back to haunt me when I say this but, “I really hope the baby isn’t his.”
Megan sighs and nods her head gravely. “He sees me being a single mom. Heck, I had to move in with him, because my husband was a two-timing piece of—” she darts her eyes to Sean and pinches her lips. “I’m sure you understand. But now she’s staying there too.”
“Stephanie is staying there? At his apartment?” Tears burn my eyes as I try to hold them in. Of course she’s staying there. How stupid can I be, thinking she would stay in Connecticut, hundreds of miles away from him? She probably moved in with him. Her stuff and his stuff. Maybe they share the same underwear drawer. Their toothbrushes touch. He probably makes her pancakes for breakfast after binge-watching Netflix all night. They live together and they’re only a ten-minute walk away from me. So close, I’ll be able to bump into her when we’re both out buying groceries. Me single, with my Lean Cuisine dinners and cheap wine, her buying baby food and a romantic dinner for two.
“Yeah, she’s been there since coming out of the hospital. She does nothing but orders take-out and complains she’s sore. I had two C-sections and this bitch didn’t even need an episiotomy, that’s how big her vagina is. I was up and running three days after my first baby. She’s been sitting on her ass while Dex runs around like crazy.”
My heart hurts. “He’s just trying to do what he thinks is the right thing.”
“He’s got a good heart, my brother. He takes care of all of us. He did since the day our father left. I just hope…I just want him to be happy, but I don’t think he’ll ever be with Stephanie.”
I can’t stop the tears that escape down my cheeks.
“I’m so, so sorry, Jane. I don’t know why I came here. I didn’t think it through, how much this would be hurting you as well. You really love my brother, don’t you?”
“Megan,” I sniffle. “I would have loved your brother and whatever baby he had with someone before me. But his mind is set. If Olivia is his, he’s going to stay with Stephanie and try to make their family work.”
“And if the paternity test comes back negative?”
“I can’t let myself think about that,” I whisper in broken words. “Thinking about that gives me too much hope, and I’m already sick to my stomach knowing she’s staying in his apartment, an apartment I never got to see.” I wipe angrily at my eyes and shrug. “I don’t know what to think or do. I’m just as lost as he feels.”
Sean climbs off his chair and waddles over to the tissue box and pulls out a clump of tissues and bunches them up tightly in his fist. “No more cry,” he says, putting them in my face, trying to smack away my tears.
“Oh, easy Sean. Easy. Gently. You’re going to hurt Jane.”
I can’t help but laugh. “I’m fine, really. And this little guy wiping away my tears is probably the highlight of my week so far.”
Megan stands up and lifts me into a hug. “I really hope everything works out for you and my brother. I like you.”
“Me too,” I whisper. We exchange numbers and promise to keep in touch.
When she leaves, I write until my fingers ache. My colossal coffee pushing me through my pain and exhaustion.
After work, Julia and I eat take-out and watch reruns of Friends. Ross and Rachel are on a break and my stomach clenches.Dex might sleep with Stephanie. Maybe he already did.
“She just had a baby, Jane. Don’t you have to heal, like, down there?” Julia replies. I didn’t realize I had spoken my thoughts out loud. But neither of us really know the answer, and it nags at me.
I text Megan.
