Brilliant. Profound. Raw. Absolutely insane.A sensational story of sex and drugs and the inner suffering mind of a musician screaming out in pain to be anything but ordinary. She can’t wait to read what else I come up with.
At five o’clock, Nate peeks his head over my divider wall. “How about a little hair of the dog?”
I was wondering when he was going to show up at my desk today. “Hey,” I mumble.
“So how about it? Dinner and drinks? An explanation of what the hell last night was about?”
“Nate, I’m really not feeling up to it.” My voice is raspy and hoarse and lying. I feel a lot better. I’m just not sure I want to spend time withhim. He walks into my little work bubble, and I hear Julia in the next cubicle clear her throat and sigh, annoyingly.
“Come on.” He picks up my purse and rolls my chair away from my desk with me still sitting on it. “It’ll be my treat. A belated birthday celebration.”
I stand up and let him drag me to the elevator. What do I have to lose? I’m at rock-bottom already, it can’t get any worse from here.
Nate takes me to a small pub around the corner from the office. We squeeze our way through the Thursday Happy Hour crowd and find the only vacant booth left. I feel Nate’s hand at the small of my back as I slide onto the seat cushion and it feels wrong.
“Nate. Listen, I really appreciate you wanting to see if I’m okay, but I hope you don’t think of this as more than just two work friends having a platonic meal together.”
“I know, Jane. You made than perfectly clear last night.”
“I’m sorry if I was rude or anything last night. I don’t remember much.”
“Whatdoyou remember?” he laughs.
“Dex not showing up or calling me on my birthday. And I have flashes of me drunk calling his voicemail.” A server comes over and I order a greasy hamburger and a soda. I don’t want to taste any alcohol right now. Nate orders the same thing. “I just can’t believe I haven’t heard from him at all.”
“It doesn’t sound like something he would do. And I wish he was a dick and I could talk you out of liking him and go out with me, but I really don’t think he would do this to you on purpose.” The server comes back with our sodas. I chug mine and instantly order another.
“Major hangover, huh? How do you feel?”
“It feels like life is pissing all over me and I can’t find an umbrella big enough to keep me dry.”
“Oh, I see,” he chuckles. “So, this is just life screwing with you? You’re not making poor decisions?”
“Okay. I made a ton of poor decisions last night. And I’m sorry I called you and if I said anything crazy. But, I never thought Dex was a poor decision. He’s kind of amazingly awesome with his shit together.”
“So what do you think happened?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” I say.
Our burgers come and we eat without talking. Around us the bar fills up with more people downing impressive amounts of shots and dancing to music only they can hear.
When our plates are empty and stomachs full, Nate tosses down a few twenties and leads me out of the bar. He walks me to the subway and follows me through the turnstile. I guess he’s taking me all the way home. “You don’t have to take me all the way home, Nate”
He shrugs and gives me a bashful smile. “But I want to.”
That feels wrong too, but I don’t say anything to stop him. I don’t want to be alone. I’m so sick of being alone, in my own head, listening to all the things I think are wrong with me. My mind has been spinning and slinging around all the things I might have done to warrant my boyfriend to just up and forget about me on my birthday. Maybe I’ve been too clingy. Maybe I told him my feelings too fast and he feels trapped. He should have just told me—instead of telling me he felt the same way—he should have told me to take a moment and slow the fuck down.
Nate talks to me all the way to my building. Some random one-sided conversation about Julia and Damian, and I’m barely holding on to my sanity let alone listening to his words. We get to my floor and step out of the elevator, and my heart plummets in my chest. Dex is sitting in the hallway by my door.
Nate and I exchange looks. He touches my elbow lightly and whispers, “Hey, call me if you need anything, okay?” Then he steps back into the elevator and the door slides closed, leaving us all alone.
I walk closer. Dex doesn’t stand, and the lack of his movement makes my heart drum wildly against my ribs. Something is really wrong. There’re heavy purple bags under his eyes and he looks worse than I feel. This is the first time since we got together that being near him doesn’t give me butterflies. Right now, he’s giving me high blood pressure.
Chapter 16
This is it. He’s going to tell me about Pippa. About Area code 203. I see it in his eyes. Something has changed with him and he’s about to break my heart.
Oh-god-oh-god-oh-god. I’m not ready for this relationship to be over. It was fun and carefree, well, until it was confusing and birthday-forgetting hurtful.
