I wave the server over frantically.
She comes rushing over. “Is everything okay with your salad, ma’am?” She looks down at me with concern and empathy. She doesn’t want to make my night worse than she already thinks it is. I’m going to leave her a huge freaking tip.
“You aren’t going to believe what my boyfriend and friends are up to!” I wipe my hands on the cloth napkin and stand up. “They tricked me into coming here and waiting for them so they could set up for a huge surprise party at my apartment!” I jump up and down. My chest is warm and full of excitement. “It’s…It’s my birthday today.”
The waitress hugs me. “How exciting!”
I am going to double whatever tip I was going to give her.
She steps back with a hand to her chest. “Honestly, I was feeling awful that you were sitting here waiting all alone.” She holds up a finger, “Here, hold on. Let me get you the check so you could get out of here and get your party on!” She rushes for the check and I leave her with such a huge tip she’s jumping around with me. Everyone else is the place sits and stares.
I don’t care—I now have zero fucks left to give—I have a surprise party to get to!
I’m laughing and bouncing from foot to foot as I leave.
Lightning brightens the sky when I step outside and the city is peppered with raindrops. I’m bubbling and breathless, weightless and wild. My thoughts scatter, too excited to think straight. I need to get home now. I can’t believe how well they planned this. Dex must have my parents there and oh, God—that’s why he went to Connecticut! To get his mother!
I’ve never had a surprise party before. I told that to Dex once, I did. I told him that I wouldn’t be someone you could trick like that. This is him trying to prove me wrong.
That man!That beautiful, wonderful man.
I grab a taxi and slip into the backseat. I’m damp from standing in the rain. I touch my hair and face. I must look like a hot mess. No worries, I’ll change into that little black skirt Dex loves with the soft blue shirt that hugs my chest.
The traffic is light and my driver zigzags through the streets with the precision only a real New York cab driver has the balls to display. The man gets me to my apartment in less than ten minutes. I squeal a thank you and talk myself out of jumping into the front seat and kissing his cheek. I’m too scared he’d pull out a knife if I did.
I climb out of the car quickly and splash into a puddle.
I’m momentarily revolted by the wet that drips down my shins, but I’m home and nothing can dampen my spirits right now.
Whooping, I bypass the elevator and head for the stairs. When I reach the fourth floor, I realize the flaw in my plans as my lungs begin to scream and threaten to explode. I take the elevator from there. The doors open on my floor to me beaming and dancing all the way to my door.
I giggle and knock before I use my key. I can’t believe they thought they could fool me like this. Amateurs. Again, I’m bouncing on the balls of my feet. I mean, they didn’t have to do this. It doesn’t take much to make me happy on my birthday. Some cake, a few balloons, lots of wine, Dex in my bed andboom, it’s happy birthday to me!
I turn the key and shove open the door. I blink into the dark room, my chest a raging throbbing hurricane. Blindly, I reach for the light switch and flick it up.
My apartment is empty. Heat sparks through my chest at an alarming rate. I don’t understand. There are no streamers or balloons. No bowls full of chips or pretzels. No six-foot hero or mom’s homemade lasagna warming in chafing trays. No gifts piled in a corner. And worse than all of that, they’re no people. There’s no Dex.
My tears are uncontrollable.
I walk through every room in slow and jerky movements. I foolishly check the closets and even behind the shower curtain, but no one is here. I open the top half of my window and stare up into the thundering sky. I press my palms to the glass and raindrops trickle in, running down my arms like tears.
I spend the rest of my birthday alone, curled up on my bed with my arms wrapped around my knees.
I don’t text anyone. I don’t even make any calls.
How could everyone just not show up to my birthday? How could Dex do this to me? Did he just forget about me? Did I do something wrong? I even check the date on my phone to see if it’s really my birthday. It is. It’s really my birthday and not one person came to my dinner party and my boyfriend didn’t even call me to explain.
It’s okay. Totally fine, because I’m going to drink every ounce of alcohol that Simon left in this apartment. I’m going to drink until I don’t feel this. It’s like duct tape, it’ll fix everything. I’ll use wine as gravity and let it pull me in the direction it feels I belong, because I’m lost and confused. An act of self-preservation—I need to stop this feeling from crawling up my chest and wrapping its claws around my throat.
I don’t understand how everyone could forget me or just not care enough. I need to silence the hurt, the questions that repeat in my head. Why was I left? Forgotten? Why am I so insignificant? I just want to forget.
I drink until I lie on the floor and need to hold on.
Then,thenI pick up my phone.
Chapter 14
My phone is at my ear. The wine bottle slips out of my hand. It’s almost empty so there’s no mess. But, whoa, does the room spin around me. I just need to make a few calls. That’s all. Get all this weight off my chest.
