“No, now go away. Shoo!” I toddle down the hallway and lock myself in the bathroom and clean up every inch of my skin without actually taking a shower. Then I give up and take a shower.
When I finally step out of the bathroom, Simon is slamming pots and pans around in my kitchen while Dex sits on my couch with the wickedest smile I have ever seen.
I stand in the hallway, swaddled in my robe and look back and forth between the both of them.
“Simon-Says here thinks I made you walk out of the bedroom funny.” Dex is bright red and beaming with pride. “Nash, did my dick make you walk funny?”
I close my eyes and try not to blush, but I feel it. My cheeks are a full-on inferno.
Simon bangs my frying pan down on the stove. “I was going to make something to eat. Does anyone want anything?”
My eyes dart to Simon, surprised. “Youwere going to make something to eat?”
He nods curtly.
“Hell, yeah.The Cripplerishangry,” Dex erupts. “I’m famished from all her jumping around on my big, fat—”
“Don’t say it,” I laugh.
“Dick,” he smiles and winks.
“You’re horrible.”
“Um,” he says, turning on the television. “That’s the opposite of what you just said when I was inside you.”
The smell of something burning hits me like a punch to the face. I whirl around to face Simon. “What are you doing?” I rush over to the stove and turn it lower. A puff of black smoke puffs up and dissipates when it reaches the ceiling.
Simon taps my hand away. “Sit down, relax.”
Whatever is in the pan is literally on fire.
Dex laughs from his position on the couch, feet up on my coffee table, hands folded together behind his head. “And to think, all that time, I had nothing to worry about when I was in California,” he chuckles to himself.
Well, that’s a little harsh.
Simon tosses plates down on the table. Then utensils. I don’t have a clue what his problem is, I really don’t. “What is your problem?” I ask, as I grab a glass from him before he cracks it into pieces on the table. He’s acting like a scorned woman and that can’t be right. He has no feelings for me at all.
“I’m stuck in this stupid apartment and all I hear is people screwing and not one of them is screwing me.” He scrapes a blob of steaming something into each plate. “And you locked your bedroom door so I couldn’t even watch.”
“That’s gross,” I hiss.
“I would have been quiet and stayed in the corner,” he whispers, shoving the salt and pepper shakers into my hands.
I slam them down on the table. “Don’t be absurd.”
Simon pauses and tilts his head down at me, with widening eyes. “Would you have wanted me to join in?”
Don’t smack him.
Don’t smack him.
I just had the most intimate sexual experience with Dex, sans the whole liquid leak thing, I cannot allow Simon to ruin this for me. I refuse to let him. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “No. I would not have wanted you to join in. You keep spinning that wheel, Simon, but the hamster is dead.”
“Come on,” he leans close to me and slides another lump of something onto a plate. “You can sit on my face and he could—”
“Why, is your nose bigger than your dick?” I ask, jamming my hands on my hips.
This shuts him up momentarily. He blinks at me.
