“Yeah, two. One in college and then one that ended, I dunno, about a year ago. How about you?”
“Only one, really. Adam. He lived across the street from me growing up. We went out for a few years then he moved to California. He was an asshole who wanted to bring another girl into our relationship.”
He doesn’t say anything for a minute.
“Dex?”
“Hold on, I’m picturing another girl going down on you. Oh yeah, I can totally see why he’d want something like that.”
“Dex!”
“What?” he laughs. “You know I’m teasing you. Two women is a fun fantasy, but I can’t keep up with all the holes. That’s a whole other body I’d have to worry about pleasing.”
“I don’t even know what to say to that,” I laugh.
“Say you’re crazy about me,” he breathes into the phone.
“I’m crazy about you.”
“Hey, why did you ask about my past relationships? What’s going on in that gorgeous head of yours?” His tone is serious now and I wish I was in front of him to touch him and see his expression.
“Being this far away from you just got me thinking that we really don’t know each other that well.” I pulled myself up and leaned back on the headrest of the bed. “I didn’t know if you were the kind of guy who would be enchanted by Pippa’s vertical smile.”
“Did you just call another woman’s vagina a vertical smile?”
“Maybe.”
He laughs, “God, I love your fucking mind. I really do. But I’m not that guy, Jane. I know they’re just words to you right now, but you’ll have to stick it out with me and learn to trust in me.” His voice lowers again. “That last woman I was with, the one a year ago? She was messing around on me.”
“Was she an idiot?”
He chuckles. I hear him moving around where his is and wonder if he’s still in bed. “I guess she just wasn’t happy. And I know I can be an arrogant asshole, but I don’t think I have it in me to make another human being feel as shitty as she made me feel doing what she did.” He sighs, “She’s called me a few times in the last two months, but I’ve blocked her number. Some people you just need to forget for your own sanity.”
“Oh, Dex. I hope I didn’t get too personal or upset you.”
“Jane, nothing between you and me is too personal, okay?”
“Okay,” I say.
He takes a deep noisy breath. “So how’s the rock star. Do you know the size of his dick yet?”
“Um. Yeah, unfortunately I do since I had to witness a grand act of fellatio that literally defied the laws of physics. I’m telling you, Dex. I wish you were here to see it.”
The other side of the phone goes deathly quiet and my stomach drops. Then he asks in a low steady voice, “Are you being serious?”
Shit. Shit. Shit. I’m not going to lie to him about this. But this is going to be a horribly hard story to tell, so I just spit it out. “Yeah. The band kept postponing our first meeting and then I bumped into Damian Miles in the hallway and he told me I wasn’t the right fit for the writing because he called me straight-laced.”
“Nash. Where does seeing his dick fit in to this story?” There’s no humor in his voice now, no patience either.
“When I went in to meet the band, it was mid-orgy, and as I asked a few questions and listened to his story, some woman, I don’t even know who she was, went down on him while having sex with the drummer Kash.”
“What was your part in this?”
“I know you didn’t just ask me that question seriously,” I growl.
“Oh, no Nash. I’m pretty serious right now.”
“I sat on the couch and recorded the conversation with my phone. It was the most un-erotic thing I have ever witnessed. It was devoid of all emotion and arousal and the entire time, all I thought about was why you hadn’t called me back yet.” I closed my eyes and tried to think of another way to explain it. “It was like horrible porn. The girl was higher than anything. They pretty much all were. I was the only sober, fully clothed,” —Okay that part was a little fib, but I was the mostly clothed— “person in the room.”
