I am not.
Fact number two: Maybe Nate is enchanted by her, but maybe he’d be enchanted by my wit and charm if he got to know me better—or, if his perfect, flawless model-esk girlfriend cheated on him with a prince.
It’s all so very confusing. He’s mentioned our kiss many times. He says things that make me think there actually could be something between us.
These are all the things I think about while at work, writing a column titled,How to Decode Male Flirting: My Sudden Descent into Madness. I even get Dex involved in the column, and we laugh at each other loudly over all the cubicle walls that stand between us. Julia is still in the hospital, and I haven’t seen Nate all morning. I also tell Dex every little detail of what happened on Nate’s and my emergency road trip. The only advice he gives me is to be careful. I hate him for a brief moment, but we work on the first draft of the article and I eventually forget why I’m angry with him.
It’stime to face the facts: Men and women are rarely on the same page. We just think and act so differently, yet we spend so much time struggling to understand each other. At least women do.
Some of us single women desperately want to understand what men think about women, or what they really mean when they say certain things. Sometimes us single ladies even fantasize about swinging a large crowbar upside a gorgeous man’s head, just to get a glimpse of his innermost thoughts as they spill across the floor.
But I digress.
We just want their secret decoder ring, seriously.
It’s frustrating as hell not understanding what men really think about women, or better yet, what a certain one thinks about you in particular.
“I swear,I’m totally listening to you.”
Decoded: “I was just wondering if that brunette over there is wearing a bra.”
“I’ll call you.”
Decoded: “I’m not going to call you. Well, I might if no one else is around, but probably not.”
“I’m not really lookingfor a relationship right now.”
Decoded: “I just want to get laid. You up for that?”
“I really like you.”
Decoded: “You’re fun and attractive, but I’m not even close to wanting to commit to anything or anyone. However, we can have lots of sex.”
“I’m goingthrough some shit right now…”
Decoded: “Feel bad for me so you don’t focus on all the mean shit I’m putting you through.”
“You’re goingto make someone very happy someday.”
Decoded: “But it won’t be me.”
“I’m really unhappily married.”
Decoded: “I’m looking for a sidepiece.”
Men,it would be so much easier if you said what you mean. There is nothing worse than guessing and getting all worked up wondering if a guy is into us or dropping some sort of a bomb on us. Trust me, you’d get laid a lot more often…
At noon,a crumpled-up paper bops me in the forehead and Dex’s smiling face peeks over my workstation wall. “You want to get some lunch?” he asks.
Remnants of my lunch are already spilled out across my desk. An empty cup of yogurt with a plastic spoon sticking out of it, a few bites left of a turkey sandwich, an empty snack bag that a few hours before held almonds, a half-full bottle of water, and the empty wrapper of a chocolate fiber bar.
He laughs. “You already ate, I see.”
“I started lunch…” I clear my throat and frown, “at ten.” It was more like nine, but it’s really none of his business, is it?
“Okay, I’m going to grab something.” He stands there and stares at me like he wants to say something else but can’t.
I take a sip of my water and nod. “Okay, I have a ton of stuff to finish here so, working lunch, you know?”
