“Oh, you didn’t come? Shit, baby. I’m sorry.”
Baby? I push down my skirt to cover myself, angrily.
“Later on tonight, after my parents are asleep, we can have Claudia take care of you. I love to watch, it’s my favorite thing in the—”
“No.” I open the door and practically fall over myself trying to get out. “There is no me and Claudia, got it. You, Adam, you’re an asshole.” I slam the car door on him as he yells back. I don’t even hear what he says.
Exes are exes for reasons. There’s no way I should have taken something I’d thrown out in the trash and tried it on again thinking it would be a better fit this time. I should have known better. I wrote an article like this a few months ago.
I jog across the street. My new blouse is somehow ripped, my clothes are all askew, and from the front window, my mother is watching me in my walk of shame. My desperation is showing. Why can’t I find normal men? Why do I even think I need one anyway? I can easily spend the rest of my life using my vibrator and hold deeper conversations with it than I can with most men.
“Oh, you’re home early, how was your date?” my mother says as she holds the door open for me.
“Just like it was when we dated eight years ago. I’m stumbling home thinking romance is dead, Adam is still plotting out threesomes, and I’ve lost all faith that any man could find my clit even if it had a GPS attached to it.”
“Janie,” she gasps.
“Well, you asked, Mom.”
Chapter 15
It’s Thursday night and I’m standing outside Julia’s apartment door holding a bottle of wine, trying to talk myself into knocking. I just don’t want to go inside. Low conversations and laughter come from the other side of the door, it’s far back and muddled; they must be in her kitchen. Nate’s deep voice mumbles something and Julia answers in a hearty laugh. My pulse throbs in my head. I don’t want to want him anymore—maybe I need more time away.
I start pacing and trying out a throaty cough. I think it’s best if I just pretend I have the flu or mad cow disease or something. Is mad cow disease even a thing anymore? I cough again. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I ask Siri what whooping cough sounds like.
I do a poor rendition of it.
At the other end of the hallway, the elevator bings and Heath, Silvia from marketing, and Dex the ass-stump step out. I’m still practicing my horrible rendition of a whooping cough that I was inoculated from when I was a child.
Jesus, why would Julia invite Dex?
The three of them join me and say their hellos, then the four of us just hang out in front of the door, staring at it. I cough again. They look at me suspiciously.
“Did you knock? Maybe they didn’t hear it?” Silvia asks, pointing to the door.
My face heats and I look down at the wine bottle like an idiot. “Yeah, they probably didn’t hear it.”
Silvia raps her knuckles on the door and Dex takes a small step back and angles his body to face mine. He crosses his arms over his chest and narrows his eyes at me.
I don’t remember him being so tall and broad. Silvia knocks again, this time with a closed hammer fist. Silvia from marketing is no joke.
Dex is still staring at me, then he leans closer, “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he growls. His warm breath tickles my ear. “You were trying to pretend to be sick so you could get out of this.”
“No! I was not.” I will deny it until the day I die.
Before Dex can accuse me of any other atrocities, Julia’s door swings open and Nate stands in the doorway, smiling happily.
How cozy, he’s answering her door now. I feel sick and not whooping cough pretend sick.
“Hey! You’re all here!” Nate laughs.
Is it me, or do Nate’s eyes linger on me longer than everyone else’s? Dex shoots a curious look at me as we walk in, but I choose to ignore it and focus all my pretending on him not being here.
After us comes two other men, Jared who introduces himself as: “Hi, I’m Jared, which one of you is the other gay man I’m going home with tonight?” and Henry, a handsome quiet man, who I can only suppose is slated for me.
Henry drinks four glasses of wine before he even sits at the table.
* * *
