I stood silent, watching the two of them face each other.
“Back off,” Mathias growled.
Liam leaned his head to the side and regarded me. “What’s the harm in a little brotherly rivalry?” Then his head snapped back to Mathias’s. “That is, until Father gets his way. And Father always gets what he wants, Math—he always did and he always will. What’s the use in fighting it?” His voice lowered with his next words, “We should be able to share in his spoils.”
Mathias stepped forward, hands fisted into knuckles. “Never,” he swore.
Then with a smug smile and a sweeping bow to me, Liam stepped back into the mist and walked away. “You’ll come to agree with me. There’s no use fighting any of this.”
His words reverberated down the corridor, leaving Mathias and I staring at one another, listening to their ghostly echoes.
“Is he telling the truth? Does your father always get what he wants?” I whispered.
Mathias was motionless as he stared me down.
“Mathias?”
He continued to regard me without answering, silent except for all the emotions that wreaked havoc in his eyes, mute until I thought I would go mad with rage. He didn’t want to tell me. He was just staring at me and seeing all the horrible things that would happen.
“I’ve never seen anyone oppose him save for my mother and Addy.” His voice was brittle and harsh, portraying what the future held for me here.
“And they’re both not just dead, but dead-dead. Or whatever it is that’s after a place like this,” I said softly, rubbing at the back of my neck.
“Anyone we’ve ever cared about he’s destroyed.” A far-off look fell over his features. “I need to get you upside, somewhere hidden and safe, far away from my father’s wants.” His gaze fell, dropping to the mist that curled and crawled along the floor. He still wanted me away from here—somewhere away from not just his father, but from him as well.
“And what about you?” My voice was small and humble, but not asking the question would have me spiraling with doubt and insecurity. I opened the door to my room, unable to watch his expression as he stared after me. The heat of his eyes following me kept me grounded as I slumped myself ungraciously onto the bed.
Someone had come in and cleaned the bloodstains from the sheets. I ran my palms over them, wondering who and why someone had shown me the kindness.
“You’re hurt by my words,” Mathias said, as he climbed into the empty space on the bed next to me.
“No, I’m fine.” The lie tasted bitter on my tongue. This wasn’t Eric. I wasn’t fine. I was confused and angry and scared, so damn far from fine I didn’t remember what being fine felt like.
“No, you’re not, Raine. You’re not fine at all. Don’t hide your fears, not from me. Talk to me. What are you feeling?”
I wanted to hold my hand against my mouth and stifle the words. I didn’t want to feel the insane emotions that were slicing through me. I didn’t want to say them out loud.
But God, the way he looked at me. I wanted to keep that feeling.
Why did everyone want to rob me of it?
Addy. My mother. My ex, Eric. My friend, Amy, who was now with Eric. Rose. Just about every freaking person I met.
Okay, fine.You want to know what I’m feeling?
“Like I’ll never recover from this,” I whispered snapping my eyes to his. “Like if I go back upside I will never be able to take another deep breath, never have another simple thought without wishing I was back here with you.”
He hesitated for only a moment, then he spoke slow and broken. “I know the heaviness of wanting something and knowing I could never have it.” He leaned closer to me, sadness resting in his eyes. “Longing for impossible things—it’s the most profound absence, that loss of a heartbeat that’s meant to beat just for you.” His hands clasped around my fisted ones. “I never wanted you to feel this. I never wanted you to knowany of this. I wanted your hate. Your fury. I want you back home.”
What happened to theyou belong to metrain of thought?
And to go back upside? It was the same as here, littered with ghosts and shitty people.How much more of my life would I have to live aching to belong somewhere? Would the ache burn a hollow into my heart and leave me bitter and alone for the rest of my life?
“If you tell me I’ll get over all of this, over you and everything that’s happened, I might scream.”
He shook his head, gaze dropping to our entangled fingers. “I could say it, but why lie? But Raine, you could go back upside, and youcouldbe happy again.” His gaze lifted back to mine, his lips in a tight line. “But you’ll never forget. You’ll never forget what it feels like to be a part of me. And each time you let yourself fall in love, it will be only with the part of that man that reminds you of me.”
“And you think I should go back home and live like that? That’s what you think?”
