Because for the rest of the month of September, the same things happened EVERY DAY! Slate “accidently” stuck gum or sticky peppermint candy in Joey’s hair. It happened so many times that his mom had to give him a buzz cut. All his long, floppy, beautiful, black hair was completely shaved off. Slate started “accidently” sticking gum in Juliana Crispin’s hair next, and her haircut was just awful. I thought she was a new boy in class! And Jase Delaney still made faces at me every day, but refused to talk to me. And he wasjust as bad asSlate. He always acted out in class. He never worked with anybody. He stole snacks from the lunchroom (and Mr. Krueger’s jar of chocolate bars, which was only for theGOOD STUDENTS), and he even visited with the counselor! Not only was he bad, he wasCRAZY!
Plus, each day he bounced that stupid ball against my fence, making a huge racket while I was in the tree house trying to do my homework. I’d never even seen Jase Delaney turn in homework! And if he wasn’t slamming his basketball loudly, he was playing his music really, really, really loud.
I hated him!
I know I keep repeating it, but honestly, I can’t say it enough.I think I need to make bumper stickers.
Then, three weeks into the school year, was the dreaded ‘Meet the Teacher Night,’ where you go to schoolat nightwithyour parentsso they could meet your teacher! All our parents filed into our classroom and crammed their adult-sized bodies into our kid-sized chairs and listened to Freddie Krueger talk about student goals, correct behaviors, and state standardized testing. My classmates either stood next to their parents, or hung out in the back of the classroom where we stuffed our faces with the goodies Mr. Krueger left out for our parents. I ate four chocolate glazed donuts, and Joey ate three. I was immediately sick to my stomach.
My mom sat in my seat and kept pulling out her mirror to reapply her lipstick—see how boring my teacher was? He couldn’t even keep the adults entertained. Jase Delaney stood next to both of his parents. His mother sat in her wheelchair with a far-away look in her eyes, and his father was dressed in a fancy suit. He had the same color alien eyes as Jase.Both of his parents looked so much younger than all the other parents.Maybe they really were an alien family!
Even Slate’s mom showed up. She had a crying toddler on her lap that she kept on telling toshut the hell upand had a tattoo of some man’s face across her entire chest (she wore a really low cut shirt, one of those ones that had all the other motherstskingabout and shaking their heads).
But Slate didn’t go near his mom; he stood off to the side, staring at Joey and cracking his knuckles, trying to scare everybody away from the donuts. Well, no matter how sick I felt, I wasn’t moving away from the donuts, and if he tried sticking gum in my hair, I would hit him in theyou-know-whatwith a cream stick!
When Mr. Krueger was finished putting our parents to sleep, they were asked to sit in the school auditorium, so Mrs. Beverly, our principal, could speak with all of them. Some of the students followed their yawning parents and some of us just roamed around the hallways, looking at the displays and bulletin boards. I mean, come on, we were in school at night. We wanted to look around!
Joey and I walked past the main office and into the music room, my eyes zoning in on the upper grades’band drum set. I always wanted to play the drums, but everyone told me they were way too loud.
“Hey, Drake, look who it is. It’sPiss Pantsand his girlfriend,Four Eyes!” Slate’s voice echoed with the acoustics of the music room.Oh no. I felt Joey stiffen next to me.
When Joey and Slate were in preschool, Joey couldn’t get to the bathroom fast enough, and he had an accident. Slate still teased him about it. Slate teased anyone about anything. He called me four eyes because I had to wear glasses to see what the teacher was doing in the front of the classroom. I didn’t care though, because last year in third grade, when I first got my glasses, my teacher, Mrs. DeMarco, told me about a surgery I could get when I’m older to fix my eyesight. So, I won’t always have to wear glasses, but he’d always be mean. Slate Marshall and his little sidekick, Drake Fischer, were the dumbest, meanest jerks ever.
The two boys moved closer to us, each of them walking and circling to the side of us. “Nice haircut, Piss Pants. What are you guys doing in here? You going to try to kiss yourgirlfriend?” Slate teased.
I stepped in front of Joey, pushed the sleeves of my sweatshirt up my arms, and crossed them in front of me. “First of all, I’m not his girlfriend. I’m his best friend. Second of all, you both need to leave us alone or else I’m going to tell on you!” I knew I was about to die, but I was going to make sure I got at least one good kick at him.
Slate shoved me out of the way and grabbed Joey by the collar of his shirt. I tried to kick at him as I flew back, but all I managed to do was get him in the back of his leg and fall on my butt. Next to me, Drake started laughing so hard he had to bend down and grab at his stomach while loud hiccups belched from his stupid mouth.
Slate raised his fist and held it in front of Joey’s face like he was about to punch him. I jumped up off the floor and moved forward, grabbing at his fist to hold it back. Drake still rolled on the floor, he was laughing so much.
“I don’t think it’sthatfunny,” a voice called from behind us.
The four of us turned our heads at the same time to see Jase Delaney looking at us with that mean ugly scowl. Oh no, now there were three boys against us. Joey and I weresogoing to die.
Slate let go of Joey, who slumped down onto the floor with watery eyes, and walked up in front of Jase. “I don’t care what you think,” Slate said.
“I think it’ll be funny if she beats the crud out of you for pushing her. That’s what I want to see,” Jase said, pointing toward me and stepping closer.
“Get out of here, loser. Go back inside to yourfreakymommyand daddy.”
“At least I have a dad; one who isn’t in jail,” Jase said.
“Yeah, well, at least I have a mom with legs that work!”
Jase’s eyes scanned over to me, then to Joey, and the corners of his mouth lifted into a smile. It was pure evil.I’m not kidding. Then, his fist came out ofnowhereand punched Slate square in the nose.
“Hey, did having a mom with legs help you out at all when I hit you? Nah, it didn’t help you one bit, did it?” Jase snarled angrily as he stood over Slate.
Slate was screaming and crying and blood gushed from his nose.
Coolest thing ever.
Hearing all the noise, Mr. Krueger came running in and demanded to know what was going on. Fighting in school was an automatic weeklong suspension. And not one of the fun ones where you got to stay home all week; nope, you had to go on a special bus to attend another school for the week. I didn’t care about Slate getting suspended. He deserved it, and it would be great to be in school without him for one whole week. But, Jase Delaney just punched Slate in the face for bothering Joey and me. The alien just saved our lives.
I was so confused.
“I’m waiting for an answer!” Freddie Krueger screamed at us while he held a white handkerchief to Slate’s face.Eww, is that the handkerchief he used to blow his nose?
