C: Sort of. Wish I wasn’t
J: Are you trying to sext me?
C: You effing wish!
J: You know, a beautiful girl sexting from thousands of miles away that she’s getting pretty buzzed ALONE, is the same as a dish of fettucine alfredo texting me it’s yummy all the way from Italy.
C: LMAO. Shut the eff up.
J: You still can’t curse right.
C: :P
J: Is that…your tongue wagging at me?
C: You are such a dork still.
J: Text me a curse. Come on. Text dick.
J: Come on.
J: Do it.
J: I dare you.
J: Chicken.
C: DICK! Cock, schlong, pecker, willy, shaft, rod, gut buster, flesh flute, soul pole, beef bus, el presidente, taco warmer, blue-veined junket pumper,100% all-beef thermometer,Alabama black snake,anaconda,anal impaler, baldheaded,yogurt slinger, pocket rocket, skin flute, disco stick, man meat, meat popsicle, wanker, Johnson, and Russell the Love Muscle!
J: God, I miss the shit out of you.
C: Shut up.
J: You forgot penis.
J: But I’m impressed.
I couldn’t text it, but I missed the shit out of him too.
∞
My very first kiss happened when I was twelve.
Jase, Joey, and I were invited to Ava Marie Trebisky’s thirteenth birthday party, and just like in any boy-girl birthday party, our horny hormonal bodies immediately started a rowdy game ofSeven Minutes In Heaven. And don’t even say that thirteen year olds don’t do crap like that, becauseI was at the party! I saw what they did. And honestly, I couldn’t WAIT for my turn!
Quickly, I hid the book I secretly took to the party,just in caseI was bored out of my skull, in my purse. It was an old, beat up copy of Lewis Carroll’sAlice’s Adventures in Wonderlandthat Joey had bought for me at a yard sale for a quarter, and I’d been reading it to the guys out loud in the tree house every night that week.
As I slid my hands out of my purse, they started to sweat. I was so nervous. Would I actually get kissed? Would it be a romantic, closed-mouth kiss? Or would his tongue touch mine? How long should we do it for? Do we use the full seven minutes, or talk a bit before and after? Would I run out of breath? How would I breathe if he’s sucking the air out of my lungs? Where would my hands go? WHAT IF I BIT HIM? Did my breath stink? I slathered on a bit of my watermelon lip-gloss. Oh, God, would his lips slide right off mine? What if I burped? Or sneezed? What if he bit me? What if I did it all wrong?
What if hedidn’t wantto kiss me?
Thousands, no, millions, of thoughts flooded my brain. Insane.All kinds of crazy. So crazy that I started mumbling to myself as I sat between Jase and Joey, both of them looking at me like I wasfullof crazy.
Who was I going to kiss?
Oh, my God, the anticipation was going to give me a frigging heart attack, and I was going to die NEVER KISSED. My first kiss would end up being with the big, stinky, old paramedic that would come to give me mouth-to-mouth resuscitation! He’d probably even have a long, hairy mustache. And a beer gut.
While I sat hyperventilating, Ava Marie handed each girl in the room a different colored balloon, and when you popped your balloon, it contained a folded up piece of paper with a boy's name on it.
