Chapter 19
Callie
Apileof folders slammed down hard on my desk, and I jumped up in my chair, stunned, splashing my coffee over the rim of its cup and myhand.
"Damn it!" I yelped, feeling the heat of the drink bite on myskin.
“What is with you today?” Ryan asked, slapping more files and a ream of paper onto my desk. He plucked a handful of tissues out of a box I kept on one of the shelves and shoved them at me. “You’re jumpy. That’s the third time you’ve spilled somethingtoday.”
He was right, of course. My blazer looked like it went to war andlost.
“I’m fine,” I mumbled, wiping up the mess Imade.
“Something’s up your ass,” Ryan said, sitting in one of the seats adjacent to mine and folding his hands together in his lap, ready to listen. “I’m all ears,” he said, searching my face with his sharpeyes.
“All ears? Try mostly all dick,” I said, trying my best to put on a carefreesmile.
“Nice burn,” he laughed, leaning back in the chair. “Now tell me what’s goingon.”
“Nothing is going on,” I said, keeping an even tone to my voice. “Honestly.”
I felt horrible lying to him. Heat flooded my cheeks, and I stared down at my hands, pretending I was still cleaning them. The thing was,everything was going on. I got all weird with Dylan the night before when he walked me to my car—I made a fool of myself in front of him—and he surprised the hell out of me by telling me no. Humiliated, I rushed into my car and left without saying another word to him, hating myself more than ever. I was angry he made me stay for dinner, embarrassed he didn’t want me, and furious at myself that I felt things for this person I barelyknew.
Okay, so Dylan and I had mutual feelings for one another. We both felt something a little bit more than we should. That was it. So why couldn't we just stay away from each other until it passed? Treat it like the flu, and we'd get better in a fewdays.
Then he texted me this morning, asking me to come by for dinner and games with the kids. Addison learned how to play Candy Land at daycare and was obsessed with it. How was I supposed to say no to that? I didn’t even want to say no! I wanted to go there and play the stupid game and eat his stupid dinner and feel the stupid feelings I was having forhim.
None of it made sense tome.
All of a sudden, the things that were typical behaviors for me seemed all wrong. I didn't want them anymore, and it was terrifying tome.
I looked up at Ryan, who was leaning his elbows on my desk, observing me. I was going to need to come up with something to tell him, just to shut him up—but he wasn't stupid—he'd probably know I waslying.
"Pop-Tart, are you doing that arguing with yourself in your own head thing?" His smile softened, and he leaned his head in the palm of his hand. "It's cute the way you think you could try to come up with some bullshit problem and I wouldn'tknow."
"I hate you. You know that, right?" Iscowled.
Ryan lifted his head and searched the office with his eyes. “Come on. There’s nobody else here. Tell me what’s goingon.”
I dropped my head in my hands andgroaned.
I haven’t had an orgasm inweeks.
Can’t stop thinking about a marriedman.
Can’t stop thinking about hischildren.
Can’t stop thinking about hiswife.
And I've been trying to screw everyone else to get my mind off this family, but it's making me feel like a worthless whore. And he told me I was worth more. And that right there makes my knees weak and my heart pulse wildly in the base of my throat—it makes me want things I never believed I could everhave.
Ryan reached across the mess of my desk and covered my hand with his. “It’s still about Dylan, isn’tit?”
I blinked up at him, fighting to keep my lips from sharing my secrets. “I don’t want to talk aboutit.”
“That doesn’t make it go away, though,” he said, squeezing myhand.
I chewed on my lip and stared athim.
