Chapter 18
Dylan
Max slida cold beer across the table toward me. "How are you holding up?" he asked, clinking his glass intomine.
He invited the kids and me over for dinner, and I sat back, watching as his wife, Laura, played with Ben and his daughters tried to teach Addison how to make some kind of a friendshipbracelet.
“You want the truth?” I asked, sipping at my beer. The bottle was icy, stinging myfingertips.
His eyebrows hit his hairline. “If you’re willing to giveit.”
I leaned forward and spoke low. I didn’t want Addison to overhear, “Without Sheri in the house, I feel like I can breathe.” My shoulders felt lighter just saying the words. “I don’t worry about going to work and something happening to the kids during the day.” I laughed darkly, shaking my head. “I have more trust in the strangers who work in that daycare center than I ever had in my wife.” It was a life-altering realization, an excruciatingone.
He nodded, scrunching up his chin in deep thought. “How has she been taking torehab?”
I shrugged and started picking at the label on the glass bottle. "I don't know. Her mother is the contact person, and Claudine keeps saying everything isgreat.”
Laura walked over and sat at the table with us. Ben dozed in his little bouncy chair, spent from a wild game of peek-a-boo.
“You don’t trust your mother-in-law?” she askedquietly.
I shook my head and peeled a long, thin strand of the label off the bottle. “I don’t think I’ll ever trust that family again.” I rolled the wet sticker in my fingers thoughtlessly. "I don't know how I'm supposed to pretend as if none of this happened and let her back into our lives. I don’t want the paranoia anymore. I was in constant fear of her relapsing andoverdosing.”
Her eyes darted to her husband’s, then back to mine. “It’s been a hard marriage the wholetime?”
“For four years, Sheri’s addiction consumed every thought I had. All I did was wonder if she was okay, if the kids were okay.” I ran my hands over my face, puffing out a frustrated sigh. “I set up our life so that I would be the one doing everything—working, cleaning, cooking, watching the kids, everything—so nothing bad could happen. But in the end, I was just enablingher."
Max cleared his throat. “How is Addison handlingit?”
“Addison hasn’t even asked about her mother." I shrugged and looked over to where she was playing. All the girls were giggling and stringing beads together. “Not even once. The only thing she’s concerned about is why Callie doesn’t come to play with her any longer. She misses her a lot.” We bothdid.
“Callie hasn’t been around?” Maxasked.
“No,” I said, shaking my head.It’s been four wholedays.
“Something happen between you two?” He stared at me for a moment, eyebrows furrowed, waiting for ananswer.
“No, nothing,” I saidquickly.
He narrowed his eyes at me. “But you wanted itto?”
“No,” I lied. “She’s just really busy.” He still lookedskeptical.
If anything were to ever happen between me and Callie, it would have to be whenand ifmy marriage was completely over. That, I knew shedeserved.
She knew as well, we just never really spoke out loud about it. Every time we texted or spoke on the phone, no matter what the subject, Callie would always put me in my place by saying Sheri’s name or asking how she was. She would break off the conversations—raw conversations—filled with hurt and lust and everything we were involved in with fierceresolve.
I understood. Callie wasn’t going to step foot in my life, in my kid's life, until I was one hundred percent fully over Sheri. I didn’t want any feeling of shame to touch the way I felt about our friendship. And then, the other night she just told me to stay away, when all I wanted to do was be the one to stop her from crying. I wanted to be the person who made her smile again. But she was right. We were getting too close, and I started wanting and saying things I was not entitled to want orsay.
“Honestly, I’m just trying to keep her out of my head right now,” Imumbled.
"Callie's got a lot of her own demons she's dealing with," Max grunted across from me. "A lot of loss in her life, so she keeps everyone at arm's length." He looked at his wife and shrugged. "I'm going to have a talk with her soon. Rumor has it, she’s been making stupid choices, and it’s catching up to her atwork.”
Fire ripped across my collarbone. I didn't want to think about the bad decisions Callie Ward was making, but each night when I saw a different car parked in front of her house, I was faced with them. When she told me to stay away and take care of my wife, it was a cold, hard slap in the face. I wanted to be the one,the only oneshe made bad decisions with, but I was already married to a woman whose bad decisions cost me everything. I was stuck on the outside, watching both of them crash andburn.
"She's not in any trouble, is she?" I needed to know what was happening. Was it stupid choices with men, or was she doing stupid, dangerous things at work? And how was I supposed to ask the question without looking like a manobsessed?
Out in the living room, the doorbell rang, and Max's oldest daughter ran to see who was there. Max ignored it. He was too busy watching me. I scratched at my chin nonchalantly. What was it about cops that make people nervous? It was like he wasn’t just looking at me, he was staring at my soul, and he knew all my sins. Could he write me a ticket for crushing on my neighbor while my wife was inrehab?
