I nodded, realizing:this is the third time in four years I've heard this kind of speech. The difference with this speech was the way Matthew looked down his nose at me as he relayedit.
“I didn’t…I didn’t know she was using the whole time. I put her in rehab twice in the last four years—when I saw what was happening—when it was blatant she was using. I thought she was clean. I mean, I guessed she might be using again,but—”
“I understand completely,” he said, placing both his palms softly on the top of his desk.Did he, though? Did heunderstand?
"When someone abuses a drug regularly, the body becomes accustomed to having certain levels of the substance in it." He tilted his head and smiled. I nodded like a fool. I knew this already, but I waited for him to continue. "And once this substance, in the case of Sheri, heroin, crack, and crystalmeth—”
“Wait, what?” I leaned forward, holding my stomach for fear I would vomit. “Crack and crystal meth? What thefuck?”
"Yes. That's what Sheri was carrying in her purse when her mother brought herin."
“She brought it?Here?”
“Fortunately, we took it from her. She wasn’t pleased. Anywho, once all the substances are removed from her system, she'll be experiencing some withdrawal symptoms. Hopefully, they will only last twenty-four hours orso."
I took a deep breath and shook my head. My stomach felt heavier than before, twisting and curdling. I was fuckingdisgusted.
How could she do this to herself? To her kids? Tous?
“After detox, Sheri agreed to a mix of outpatient and inpatient rehabilitation, which will consist of behavioral therapy—a combination of group and individual therapy." He leaned back in his chair and paused for a moment before saying the next thing. "Pharmaceutical treatment is often necessary, in conjunction withtherapy."
"Moredrugs." My jaw clenched tightly. "Will she ever be totally drug-free?"
“That’s truly up to her. Her journey to a sober life will not be quick or easy. It’ll be a lifelong struggle for Sheri. A lifelong commitment to working hard and stayingclean."
“Can I see her?” Iasked.
“I’m sorry, no.” He folded his hands together on his lap, his movements fluid and smooth. “I’m not sure any contact between you and Sheri would be beneficial to her throughout herrehabilitation.”
What. The. Fuck? “Why?” I asked between grittedteeth.
“Being a wife and mother is something that gives her great anxiety right now, Mr. Sanborn. We wouldn’t want her to fail before she begins, do we?” He stood up to make his final point. “The person you married, the one you loved? She isn’t here anymore, Mr. Sanborn. And rehab is the only way to save her.” He slid a dozen or so brochures across the top of the desk at me. “Here’s some pamphlets to help you out. You have a great night now,okay?”
I drove home in a fog. Music blasted through the speakers. Horns honked as I careened my car in and out of lanes with my foot slammed flat against the gas pedal. I was numb to itall.
I pulled up to the curb in front of my house but didn’t get out. I sat with the car idling, staring at the house across the street, wishing I could ring Callie’s bell and just talk with her. But I couldn’t. I made sure Callie had no reason to tempt me with thoughts about some alternate family where everything was perfect, complete with a wife that would look at me instead of through me. I completely dismissed her from our lives. And now I was parked in the street between our homes, watching the dim lights in her bedroom flicker and seeing a strange car parked in herdriveway.
A sharp, burning sensation tore through my chest, and I bit down hard, grinding my teethtogether.
Who was shewith?
I knew I had no right to be pissed. So why wasI?
She was a single, gorgeous woman who wassingleand allowed to entertain anyone she wanted in her house, in her bedroom, because she wassingle.
I, on the other hand, was not single, and I loved my wife. I loved mywife.
I kept repeatingit.
I loved my wife. Lovedher.
What did I love about her?I squinted at Callie’s house and climbed out of my car. I loved so many things about my wife. “So many things!” I gritted out, slamming the doorclosed.
The dog next door barked atme.
I loved how she used to show up at my office in the city and drag me to a little dive bar downtown until we were both so drunk, we couldn’t see. We’d fuck back in my office, over my desk, in front of the windows, on the table in the conference room—we didn’tcare.
The job I loved, in the office I loved. The job I went to college for—worked my fucking ass off for. The same job I lost when Sheri went with me to a holiday party and where she stole jewelry from my boss’ wife. The same job I had to take off a total of fifteen days in three months and cost us one of our most prestigious clients when Sheri ripped up the blueprints I spent weeks making in a fit of drunkenrage.
