Chapter 15
Brooke
Sunlight streamed through the window, tapping my eyelids until I woke with a start. My temples were pounding, pulling at my forehead, aching behind my eyes. I grabbed at my head, pressing down, trying to ease the thrumming.Why did I drink so fast last night?It wasn’t even how much that mattered, it was the swiftness in which I gulped back whatever poison I’d found in Ryan’s cabinet after Cameron fell asleep.I wanted oblivion, I guessed, at least for a little while.
I stretched out, arms up, fingers touching the headboard. The bed was insanely comfortable, the sheets warm and heavenly. They smelled of Ryan’s cologne and whatever scent his soap was.
Shifting my body, slowly, there was a strange sensation of being underwater, my arms and legs heavy and anchored down. I tried to sit up, only to find a sharp electric charge of heat zap like static across my skin, making the small hairs on my arms bristle.
I slid my legs out only to hit something as warm and alive as me, tangled in the sheets next to me. I bolted up, startled, slapping a hand over my mouth.
Beside me, Ryan lay asleep, bundled up deep under the covers.
His thick arms and shoulders were bare; his skin a soft smooth bronze that was so alluring I wanted to slide my lips against it.
What fresh Hell is this?
Memories from the night before flooded my mind: me upchucking on his pants, him joking about it and pushing back my hair, and those perfect muscular arms carrying me into his bed. His voice deep and dark as he whispered, “It’s okay, Brooke. Don’t worry. You look good in my bed.”
I knew nothing happened between us. I was sick to my stomach last night from drinking too fast, not so drunk I couldn’t remember what I did with someone. God, that would have been mortifying, wouldn’t it? Drunk sleeping with the guy I was crushing on, totally wrecking any chance I had with him.
But, I didn’t have a real chance with him anyway, did I?
He had given up on pursuing me and was going to take Martinez out, wasn’t he? I squeezed my eyes shut and cursed myself six ways to Sunday. I really hoped she knew how lucky she was, and I hoped she was good enough for him, because he was pretty perfect.
His body was facing me, and even though every nerve in my body was screaming for me to run before he opened his eyes, my heart was begging me to stay and look. It would be the only opportunity I’d ever get to really see him, without his knowledge, without him seeing me stare awkwardly at him like a love struck teenager.
His lips were slightly parted, his features relaxed. Ryan was always so expressive when awake, making funny faces or smiling like an idiot. I’d never met someone who smiled as much as he did. On our job, that was unheard of, wasn’t it? He wasn’t a disgruntled detective like my brother. He was happy, a man who knew how to count his blessings, maybe. I didn’t know.
All I did know was that I couldn’t continue with the feelings I was starting to have for him—not when I knew there was no chance for me. It was all my doing, I knew. This was something I was going to have to learn from. I just didn’t know what or how to let go just yet. Us together, innocently in bed, I wanted the moment to last a lifetime.I was such a sappy romantic at heart.
I slipped out of bed quickly, silently, trying not to disturb him. It was a few minutes after seven. I would get Cameron ready for school and make breakfast to thank him for everything. But then, Ihadto leave. I would go back to my place and clean the disaster and take care of myself. Ryan had other things to do with his life and taking care of me shouldn’t be one of them. I wasn’t his to worry over.
I never would be.
Padding out into the kitchen, I found Cameron sitting at the table elbow deep in a box of Captain Crunch cereal, the other hand held a bottle of chocolate syrup. I couldn’t help but giggle at his breakfast choice as I set him up with a bowl and spoon. He rumbled loudly when I poured in the milk and spurted a few small lines of the syrup over the top.
I hit the bathroom as he ate, finding myself staring at my reflection in the mirror for far too long. It was the tremble of my chin that caught me, and maybe the pale skin and wide dinner-plate eyes.
Splashing icy water at my face didn’t help. Letting out a sob into a balled up towel didn’t help either. So, I stood straight and stared at the stranger in the mirror. What was I going to do when they suspended me? What was I if I wasn’t a cop? I didn’t know how to be anything else. I didn’t want to be anything else.
God, what were my parents going to say when they found out I screwed up my career the way I did? My heart ached so much it hollowed out my stomach.
When I finally emerged from the bathroom, Cameron was sitting with his coat and hat on, backpack hanging tightly at his back. He was rocking quickly, a few moments before a detonation of a complete meltdown.
“Okay, Cameron. I’m sorry. Let’s get you to school,” I stammered, rushing to get my arm through my coat sleeve and failing miserably.
He jumped off the couch and strode quickly to the door and down the steps. I was right behind him, hair matted and wild, coat dangling off one arm, and no shoes. I hoped it hadn’t snowed again, because my socks were way too thin for the cold.
An inhuman howl erupted out of my throat when my feet hit the outside ground. “Cameron, wait please,” I gritted out, tiptoeing quickly to the car door. The keys fumbled out of my hands twice, and I swore my toes caught instant frostbite and fell off. Cameron pulled and yanked at the door handle, his groaning and rumbling becoming more pronounced and high-pitched.
I clicked the unlock button, just before it was too late and watched him scramble into the car and buckle himself in.
With tears in my eyes, I ran around to the driver’s side and let myself in, instantly starting the car to let it warm up. Behind me, Cameron rocked in the backseat.
I patted down my coat, looking for my cell phone to keep him occupied to only realize all my pockets were empty. I didn’t even have any identification on me.
That’s when the tears I was trying to hold back tripped over my eyelashes and poured down my cheeks. I was messing up everything I touched in my life at an alarming rate. Way too fast to stop. I felt like I was holding on to the edge of my seat, on a wild rollercoaster with a busted safety belt.
