My knees gave out, and I slid down the wall until my ass hit the floor.
She walked past me, back into the kitchen and returned with another sandwich on a dish, placing it on my lap. “You okay?” she asked.
“Nope,” I said, looking up at her. “It was stupid thinking I could pull this off.”
She dragged my living room chair over to face me and sat down.
I shook my head and glanced toward Cameron. “I had to clean shit out of his pants when we got out of the car today,” I blurted. “There was shit, dried shit caked down his legs.”
Her face softened, and she reached out and placed her hand on my knee.
“And the only thing I could think of was,why me?How freaking selfish is that?” I said, laughing darkly. “All I could think about is what the hell my family could have done to deserve this. I hate myself for it.”
“Don’t,” she said, low. “It’s okay to feel angry about it. It’s normal to not want to have to deal with it. Don’t think you’re the only one, Cage.” She leaned closer, balancing herself on the edge of the cushion. “I’ve volunteered for years with special needs children, each of their families is dealing with the same feelings. Every once in a while you need to stop and scream and question it, as long as at the same time you keep realizing just how amazing these kids are.”
“Yeah, but my poor mother. She got a shitty hand of cards with her husband and kids. I always want to help her, like letting her go on this damn vacation, but it’ll never be enough. Not with all the shit she’s had to deal with.”
Cameron nosily thudded his dish onto the coffee table and walked into the bathroom. The light switch flicked on and with the door wide open we could hear him running the sink water and brushing his teeth. “He’s getting ready for bed,” I whispered, shocked.
“That gives us time to clean up, huh?” she smiled.
I peeked my head around the opening of the kitchen, “I could just move to another apartment. It’d be easier.”
Her smile was dazzling. “Come on,” she said, holding out her hand.
But when I took her hand, and I felt her skin against mine, all I could think of was how much I wanted to kiss her.
And then my lips were against hers. Tasting something I knew I would instantly never get enough of. Backing her up against the wall, feeling something I have never felt before. Some new emotion that I never knew—never thought possible—something intangible and unimaginable. A sensation that breaks open your chest and steals your breath and makes you think that every other pair of lips you’d ever touched before were but shadows of these. Every one of them wrong compared to this kiss. A fiery rush of helplessness, and need exploded with an intensity that made the room sway and bend.
Our bodies were pressed together, but I knew we’d never be close enough. Everything around us vanished. Silence and bliss blanketed over us. Cameron was fine. The world was good and everything was—
Her lips suddenly backed away from me.
“Stop,” she breathed heavily, pushing hard at my shoulders. Her hands slapped over her mouth in disbelief. “We can’t… We can’t do this.” There was a moment when we both stared at each other in combined confusion and shock.
She quickly slid away from me, her eyes teary and not able to look directly into mine. “This can’t happen,” she said, turning her back toward me.
“Why?” I grabbed for her shoulders as she slipped out of my reach.
“Because it can’t, okay? Don’t be an asshole.” Her voice trembled. “Just, don’t do this. Okay? Just don’t.” Her voice was high-pitched now, and her hands clutched at her stomach, like I’d made her sick.
I slumped back against the wall, stunned and more than a little embarrassed.
She looked around the room, confused, like she was suddenly wondering how she got there. “I should go,” she whispered.
“Yeah. Okay,” I replied, softly.
Then, she just walked out, slamming the door behind her, and I was left standing there alone, wondering what the hell just happened—what the hell did I do wrong?
