Chapter 18
Liv
“Hey,” Brooke said as I walked into the kitchen. “I banged in today.”
“What the hell doesthatmean?” I asked, stopping short by the window to peek out. Thick gray fog and fat flakes of an icy-snow combination was all I saw—a dreary day to match my mood.
She laughed, her mood contrary to everything around me. “It means I took the day off.”
“Oh,” I said, collapsing on a kitchen chair still flushed and irritated from the tousle in bed with Dean. Somehow a steaming mug of coffee appeared in front of me. I mumbled a thank you and cupped my hands around the rim, lightly rubbing my thumbs in circles over its edge. I couldn’t stop thinking about how his mouth explored mine, how his hands made my insides melt like butter, how my panties were comfortably wet just thinking about it.
I felt her sit down next to me at the table, but I didn’t look up. I just stared straight into the caramel-colored liquid inside my cup. “So,” she said, clearing her throat and placing her hand over my forearm. “Why did Dean run out of here before?”
I felt myself shrug. “He got a call about Thomas.”
Her body shifted uneasily. “What happened?” she asked, her voice sounded anxious.
I snapped my eyes up to hers, and saw the concern in her expression. I didn’t want to upset her—not after what happened last night with those cadets—so why was I making her worry needlessly? “Oh, I really don’t know. He just got a call from someone who had been in contact with him or something. Someone I think he was talking to before, you know—”
Brooke leaned back in her chair, and breathed in deeply. “I hope it’s nothing bad,” she mumbled. “So, he just ran out of here, though. Just like that?” She bit at her lip, contemplating his actions.
“Brooke, I heard everything you said to him outside,” I muttered, tilting my head at her.
“Well, yeah. That’s why I went outside right by your window, did you think I wouldn’t have rather talked to my asshole brother inside where it was warmer?” She chuckled drily, “I was freezing my ass off out there.”
“Why, though?” I stared at her, struggling to understand.
“Because, Liv. I wanted you to hear how he really felt. God girl, the way he looks at you? I’ve never seen him that way before. I don’t want him to lose that. I don’t want him to lose you. And selfishly, I don’t want to lose you either.” Her lips tightened into a straight line, and I realized she was trying to control her emotions.
“It doesn’t matter. He told me I should go back home and that I was better off finding someone else,” I mumbled. “His exact words were:You should run the fuck out of here and go somewhere where you could find something or someone who would always put you first. And something about all he’d ever be able to give me was a lifetime of watching him walk away.” I choked on a gasp and squeezed my fists. “Then he did it! He walked out, got in his car, and drove away.”
Brooke glared down at her hands, then leaned forward urging me to listen. “He didn’t mean that. If you heard any of what we talked about this morning then—”
“Brooke, stop, please. He doesn’t feel that way about me—at least not enough—not the same way I feel about him. I think it’s time for me to stop wishing that something real could have ever happen between us. Yeah, maybe he wants to hook up with me and that would have been fine, but Brooke, I’m not staying here in the same town as my crazy mother when there’s nothing really keeping me here.”
She lowered her head, with a bitter smile. I understood; I was just as disappointed. “So that’s it? You’re really leaving?”
“I’m going to the hospital this morning to talk once more tothathorrible woman and then, yeah, I’m going home,” I sighed, resigned to my decision.
“Look, do you want me to come to the hospital, and then after we could talk—?” She began talking quickly.
I held my palms up to quiet her down. “I just want to leave, and I need to do this myself.”
“Liv, I really want you to think about staying. You can stay here with me. You could just get a job teaching here,” she pleaded.
“Thank you so much for the offer and really, for everything you’ve done for me the last few days, really. But, Vermont is where my life is.”Not that it was much of a life; it was a very lonely one, but I would never say that out loud.
“How about you come back here after visiting with your mother? We could say a proper goodbye, and that way, you don’t have to drag your stuff there?” I could see the gears in her mind churning, trying to think of things that would get me to prolong my departure.
I stared back at her, struggling to find the right words that wouldn’t cause her feelings to get hurt. Then, I remembered what Dean had said. Brooke needed me. And even though I knew she was stronger than I’d ever be, maybe I’d just give her a few more hours, it was the least I could do.
“Okay,” I sighed, reaching out for her arm. “I’ll go see the witch and then come back here and say goodbye.” I offered her a wide smile, and hoped she thought it was genuine. “You do know you could always visit me in Vermont, right? You’d love small town life there.”
I glanced toward the clock on the microwave and felt my eyes widen. It was already ten o’clock. I jumped up out of my seat, and grabbed for my coat that hung on the rack by the side door. “I should go; I have a big conversation with my mother ahead of me. I can’t wait to hear what messed up excuse she’ll offer me for what happened with my father.”
She nodded, but said nothing. What was there to say? What words of wisdom could anyone give me? None. She walked me to the front door and offered a hug that was the best she could do under the circumstances. I slung my bag of papers over my shoulder and took a deep breath. I didn’t want to confront my mother, but I knew it was what had to happen for me to have any sort of closure here. Or any understanding of why all that money had been given, but kept well hidden from me.
Outside, lined up on the front porch, weredozensof red bouquets of flowers. Big beautiful arrangements—so many that it smelled like springtime as soon as you stepped out.
