Chapter 16
Liv
Iheard everything.
I heard every beautiful, horrible thing they said.
And I was kind of stuck on thehe likes mepart.
I sat motionless, quiet. A bit dazed, my thoughts an incoherent jumble of emotions. On either side of me, the bed sheets were fisted in my hands, and my head was leaning back against the wall nearest to the window. Dean was still outside—right on the other side of the wall—I could smell the spicy dark tobacco of his cigar.
Slowly, I untangled myself from the sheets, a heaviness pressing against my chest. Absentmindedly, I began getting ready to start the day, his words replaying over and over in my mind. It wasn’t until I was in the shower under an icy cold stream of water did I realize how hopeless the situation really was.Dean didn’t have the time in his life to be in a relationship and even if he did, even if he wanted to, I lived in Vermont. Even if I chose to leave that all behind, he had nothing to offer me. He was too paralyzed with the fear of leaving someone who cared for him behind. I stood in the shower, my body shuddering uncontrollably, tears falling from my eyes.
I slipped quietly out of the shower, wrapping myself in a soft towel, trying to find warmth. Shivering, I stumbled back into the guest bedroom, thanking the stars above the bathroom and bedroom were connected to each other, so Brooke wouldn’t catch me in the hallway sobbing like a blubbering idiot. What would I have said if she’d seen me? I wasn’t crying over her brother no more than the fact that everyone in my life had never thought I was enough to change for, fight for, risk anything for. I wasn’t worth it to anyone.
My mind whirled hazily, crammed full of blurry images, thoughts and emotions that I desperately wanted to run away from. I had never felt as unwanted as I did that minute. And I certainly never felt so goddamn alone.
Being with Dean would be just as lonely as being without him and no matter how I felt and what I wanted, the best thing I could do was go back to my empty apartment, take all that Troy Family money, and never come back here again.
Still in the towel, I climbed under the comforter on the bed and curled myself into a ball, my shoulders instantly relaxed into its warmth.
“You’re leaving today?” a deep voice rumbled from the corner.
I sat straight up in bed, covers sliding right off me, an instant overwhelming thrill of fear slamming across my chest.
“Dean?” I squeaked, heat searing through my body. I grasped at the towel to keep my chest covered.
He stepped out of the shadows in the corner of the room, his face a mess of emotions and something else I couldn’t figure out.
“Are you leaving today?” he asked again, his tone cutting, dark.
I nodded, saying nothing else.
“Because of your mother, right?” The words came out in a rush.
“That, and a few other things.” I said the words slowly, trying to get a handle on my increasing levels of anger. He’d come inside the room, without knocking, scaring me half to death, and now he wanted to question my choices. Not happening.
“Other things?” His voice was guarded, giving nothing away.
“Dean, what do you want? Why did you come in here?”
He was silent for a long moment, staring down at the sheets on the bed. His eyes blazed fiercely. “I’m not ready to say goodbye to you.” His voice was velvety and smooth, no louder than a whisper.
“I don’t understand,” I confessed, blushing.Did he want me to stay for good? Or did he just want to spend a few more hours with me?Neither of which I’d have an answer to.
“Give me one more night.” He spoke the words quietly, cautiously. I glanced up into his eyes; his expression was full of pain. “There are things I need to say to you. Things that—”
“I heard you and Brooke talking outside before,” I admitted, securing more of the blankets around me. “You don’t have to say anything to me.” What would one more night do for me, for us? I would just become too attached and once again not be someone’s choice—not be important enough—just used for the moment. I dropped my gaze down, not wanting to look at him.
He sat down at the edge of the bed near me and reached toward me hesitantly. Then, he stopped, dropping his hand to the bed. “What I don’t want,ever, is to hurt you.” His voice was heavy with sadness.
I considered his words for a few breaths, and then I looked up at him. “We’re like broken glass, aren’t we? Both of us tiptoeing around our sharp edges trying not to cut each other.”
We sat watching one another, silently. Streams of sunlight filtered in through the curtains, casting long strange shadows and patterns over us. I was suddenly hyper aware of our time together, slipping quickly away from us. I was instantly terrified that Dean and I would never have this time alone again. This was pretty much it. I wasn’t ever coming back here, and I was never going to see him again.
My thoughts drifted off into a dark place, and a rush of helplessness wrapped around me. The sinking feeling of being pulled down into the far depths of sadness, and bitterness left me feeling as though I was drowning.
The bed dipped and spikes of electricity crawled across the blankets, nipping along my skin.
