I hesitated, looking back out at her. I wanted to remember the way she looked then. Wild hair, whisking around her head in the wind—moonlight kissing her face—perfect.
“I gotta go back in…to work,” I said. My voice broke like I’d been yelling for days.
“But you were at work before…” Her words tailed off into silence.
This was what it was like.
This was the life of a police officer. This was what I wanted to shield you from. “It doesn’t matter, something came up. I gotta go in.”
Her mouth opened slightly, then snapped closed quickly. She straightened up, pulling herself away from the car. She leaned her hand on the open car door and looked off into the distance down the street. She blew out her cheeks and released her breath in a lowwhoosh. She snapped her head back toward me, her lips pinched tight. “Okay, well, goodnight then,” she said, behind a bitter smile.
She broke eye contact with me and slammed the door closed.
I watched the sadness weigh down her shoulders as she walked up the path to the house. I wanted to tell her I wanted to come inside.
I wanted to be with her.
It was theonlyplace I wanted to be. The only place I wanted to be in a long time. It had been years since I’d met anyone who I wanted anything with.
But I couldn’t muster up the words, because giving her hope in anything that had to do with me would be the shittiest thing I could do to her.
