“Oh my God.”
“Yeah. Luckily they were able to reconnect and talk through a lot of these issues. Why do you ask?”
My thoughts are moving a mile a minute thinking through everything he’s said to me as Daddy Dom, Professor A-hole, and as John. This explains a lot about why he’s so protective, why he feels the need to be a white knight and help others.
Becka clears her throat, and I look up, locking eyes with her. “Emma, sweetie, what’s going on? Why are you suddenly interested in my brother-in-law?”
Tears flood my vision, and her silhouette blurs in front of me. She pulls me into a hug, and I sink into her warm embrace. “Jack is Professor A-hole, isn’t he?” I nod against her shirt as a sob escapes me. “And he showed up here with his wife and you’ve just been sitting here in a panic. You’re why he was on his phone all night.”
“How did you figure all that out?”
“It’s a gift. Let’s just say I’ve gotten really good at following breadcrumbs.” She chuckles, stroking my hair and brushing it back from my face. “Do you want the good news?” she asks.
I pull back to look at her and nod.
“I don’t think he loves her. We’ve hung out with him quite a bit the past few months, and tonight was the first night I met her. If one of my guys had his head buried in his phone at dinner all night, you better believe I would be annoyed. There’s no way I wouldn’t say something. But Mary was unbothered. And they definitely had friend vibes, not happily married, madly in love vibes.”
“But he’s still married, and he didn’t t–tell me,” I stutter out, trying to calm the emotions swirling inside me.
“True. But something tells me there’s more to the story than how it appears. If I know anything about the Gardner men,they’re a pretty easy bunch to figure out. There’s not a thought in Robert’s head that I can’t read on his face. And Jack was easy to decipher at dinner. I knew something was up.”
“Gardner? So his name is Jack Gardner?”
“His name is John, Jack is a family nickname. And Robert said he took his wife’s name.”
“Ali. I know him as Professor Ali, or John.”
Becka laughs, easing my nerves slightly. “I think you’ve only ever referred to him as Professor A-hole to me, or I would have figured this out sooner.”
My smile in response is weak as I run through all my lingering thoughts.
She places a hand on mine, squeezing it, and I imagine she’s imbuing me with strength I don’t have. “I think you should talk to him. Let him share his side of the story. I’m sure there’s more to it than it seems. He doesn’t strike me as the type to string you along. And I’ve always thought he and Mary seemed off, like there was no love there, just respect.”
Her words should comfort me, but I feel hollow. It hurts to know that she knows this whole other side of him that I’ve never seen. That clearly I don’t know him at all. That his rules were there to keep things from me, little pieces of himself he was either unwilling to give or had already shared with someone else.
“I dunno. This week is going to be crazy with the play. I’ve got a lot going on, and I should probably just focus on that right now.”
“Oh my gosh, we’re so excited! We’re all coming to watch—Bridget and Ethan, Robert, Bennett, Miles, and the girls. I think Alyx even said your parents are bringing your sisters to opening night.”
“Yeah, the matinee is the only performance that isn’t sold out. I think everyone I know is coming to opening night.” I can tell my smile doesn’t reach my eyes, but Becka doesn’t call me out on it, instead she wraps me in a tight hug.
“I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but it’s going to be okay. I promise.” She pulls back holding my shoulders while looking directly in my eyes. “Take some time for yourself to gather your thoughts and then talk to him when you’re ready.”
I know I should let him explain, but I don’t think I’m ready to hear his excuses. And what else could they be but excuses? He is married. I can’t think of any possible explanation he could give that would make this okay, and I’m not sure my heart could take it if he tried. It feels like it’s shattered into a million pieces during a windstorm and there’s no way I could possibly find them all to make it whole again. There will always be fragments that are missing, lost to the wind, belonging to him.
CHAPTER 34
JOHN
Fuck. Fuck! I’ve been so careful, or at least I thought I had. This is why I have rules. If I’d just stuck to them, it would’ve protected me from situations like this. What the fuck do I do? I can’t lose her. But I’ve already committed to helping Maryam with her citizenship, and we’re so close. I can’t fuck this up for her now. Not when it could literally be life or death for her if she’s deported back to her home country.
I’ve managed to keep this part of my marriage secret from everyone in my life. My colleagues, my family, the club. As far as anyone knows, I’m just a married professor. How did I screw this up so badly?
The waitstaff could have brought out a live fish on my plate that sprouted legs and did a jig, and I wouldn’t have noticed. I keep checking my phone to see if Emma has replied to any of my messages. It gutted me seeing her face when we walked in. I had no idea she was my brother’s babysitter. And this is definitely not how I wanted her to find out about Maryam.
Near the end of dinner, Maryam pulls me aside. “John, can I talk to you outside really quick?”
My head shoots up, looking around the table, and mybrother Robert grimaces and nods to my phone. Fuck, I need to focus.
