“Emma,” I say sternly, and her head pops up, locking onto the screen as she pushes up on her elbows. “Here’s another rule for you. Don’t worry about what other people think. It doesn’t matter. Your brother can think what he wants about you; it doesn’t change who you are. And if I had to guess, he probably didn’t buy your story but didn’t want to press you for more details after that excuse you gave.”
“You’re probably right,” she sighs, a small smile on her face.
I feel like the biggest fucking hypocrite telling her that when it’s one of the reasons I’ve kept her at arm’s length. We can’t be seen together. Hell, we can’t be together, not now anyway. Even though I’ve bent some of my rules for her, I need to remind my savior complex why this is the worst timing. Mary needs me and I need to be there for her.
“When can I see you in person again? I’m almost done with the semester, and then I can be closer to the city. I can come to the club,” she offers eagerly, pulling me from my thoughts.
“I don’t know,” I admit.
The look of disappointment on her face guts me, but I know I need to end this soon. This call was a reminder that we could be caught at any moment, and as much as I want to throw away every obligation in my life for her, some things are bigger than my selfish desires.
CHAPTER 17
JOHN
This ends tonight. What we do here will have to be enough to last me through the next year. Even though I’m consumed with the overwhelming desire to help her, protect her, I need to walk away now.
It took seconds for her to agree to see me again, considering the last time we were physical like this was at the beginning of the semester. While I wait for Alyx to bring her down, I set up the lounger, arrange the cushions and inserts to resemble a flat surface, and grab the massage oil, then put my mask in place.
Alyx knocks and gives me a nod, then turns back in the direction of his room. I close the door behind him and look down at her small frame, letting my eyes roam over each delicious curve of her body. “Strip and lie down.”
“Yes, sir.” There’s no hesitation in her voice as she quickly follows my command. And fuck, her willing obedience only makes her harder to resist. She climbs onto the table, gently placing her forehead on her folded arms.
“When was your last nightmare?” I try focusing on the problem. She has a problem; I’m helping to solve the problem. If I keep it transactional, no feelings need be involved.
“A week ago, sir.” Her voice is weak, like she’s afraid to admit this.
“Why wasn’t I informed?”
“I didn’t tell Alyx about it. I was alone in my dorm studying for finals.”
“What happened in this one? What did he do to you?”
“He straddled me and held me down.” She lets out a shuddering breath as her breathing picks up. She told me about her breakthrough with her mom recently, and I’d hoped her nightmares would lessen, but I know it could take time. Do I keep pushing or let this go and hold her?
“How did he hold you down?”
“My throat. He cut off my air and I couldn’t breathe,” she says through a sob, and my resolve cracks.
“Look at me, pet.” I stroke her cheek. Her head shifts to the side, one of her eyes peeking out. Her lashes are thick as they flutter, and I shift slightly to block the light so she doesn’t have to strain.
“You’re safe with me.”
“I am.” It’s not a question. Her agreement is everything I need to continue.
“Do you trust me to reenact that scene?”
“Yes, sir,” she says with no hesitation.
Something stirs in my chest at her admission. It’s thrilling when a sub hands you total control, but there’s something about Emma’s submission that makes every part of me come alive for the first time in my life.
Like this is how it’s supposed to be.
Like every other person I’ve been with was just practice for this.
Like this is real.
Only it can’t be real, and it can’t be her. Not now.
