CHAPTER 1
EMMA
SOPHOMORE YEAR
Iprobably shouldn’t let my brother’s best friend take me to a sex club.
“Ethan’s going to be so mad,” I say out of the side of my mouth.
Alyx gives me the side-eye as we approach the entrance of Pulse. “Ethan’s not going to find out.”
“He would kick your butt.”
“He’d do more than that if he found out I took his baby sister to a sex club.”
“Cheese and rice, I’m not a baby. I’m nineteen, and he’s only three years older. But, yeah, he’d be peeved about the schmex club part.”
“You can call it a sex club, you know. I don’t think your sisters can hear you from here,” he says.
“I know Ican, but I choose not to. If I let one slip out, then I’ll get comfortable letting more slip, and before you know it, I’ll be dropping f-bombs in front of Evie and Erin.”
“That would be quite the scandal in the pony palace,” Alyx teases.
I’m grateful that he’s breaking the tension. “They’ve actually really gotten into these bird books lately.”
“Pajama Pigeon?”
“Yeah, how did you know?”
“Becka’s daughter is really into it.”
“They are—” I start, but he cuts me off.
“Quit stalling. If this is too much for you, I can take you home.” Alyx really is a good friend, as loyal as they come.
“I want to do this. I need to do this.” Maybe if I keep repeating that, I’ll eventually believe it.
“And you’re sure this ishowyou want to do it?”
My fingers tug at the hem of my skirt as I roll the fabric against my skin and blow out a deep breath. “I’m sure.”
I’ve had boyfriends—a few actually, most of them serious. It’s easy to assume that I’d be a pro at sex, considering how many relationships I’ve had, but the idea of sex with them never felt right. Things would always start fine, but as soon as the guy would slip a hand under my clothes, I’d break out into a fit of giggles and slap them away. One guy made it to second base, but as soon as his finger connected with my breast, my elbow connected with his nose.
Believe me, I wanted more to happen, but my body just wouldn’t cooperate. I know my way around a toy or two and can make myself finish with just my fingers, but as soon as a man touches me, my body rejects it.
My rotation through guys became something I was known for around high school. To save their fragile male egos, my exes got together and told all their friends about what we “did”—with the details embellished. None of those guys had even seen what was under my bra, but they didn’t want their friends to know that.
College has been no different. I attend a local private school close to Columbus, and one of my exes ended up there too, so my reputation’s followed me. I was determined to find someone my body wouldn’t reject, but my freshman year proved unsuccessful on that front.
That changes tonight.
I’ve prepared for this, read everything I could find. Textbooks, subreddits, romance books. I have an understanding of what this should be like, yet I’m still anxious.
We make our way into the club, and Alyx ushers me to his private room.
“Okay, sis, normally you’d have to go through a screening process and learn all about the club rules, but I’m trying to keep this under the radar since this is a one-time thing.”
“He’s not going to be here, right?” I panic, thinking about my stepbrother Ethan finding me and his best friend in a sex club.
