Finally, there’s light. We go from what seems like endless night into harsh, blinding, never-ending light. It illuminates our battered bodies, the stained floors of our cages, and the inquisitors that line the walls as they did when the lights were first extinguished.
It’s as if it was all a bad dream.
The prelate enters, hood pulled forward, hiding her face. I know her by her gait. I’ll never forget anything about her.
She’s flanked by two other inquisitors, as usual. I wonder if she’s worried about us attacking her the moment she unlocks the cages. If I were her, I’d be worried.
I stand in the center of my confines, saying nothing, locking eyes with where I think hers are in the shadows of her cloak. She doesn’t lift her head at all or raise her chin as she turns the keyand opens my door. I wonder if she’s afraid to meet my stare.Dragon flames…I hope she is.
She goes to unlock Lucan’s cage next. Then Saipha’s. None of us move.
“The residence hall has been reopened,” she says simply. “The record shows that none of you succumbed to the curse.” Once more, she appears disappointed by that. “There’s food in the refectory this evening, and you may return to your rooms at night.” She gestures to the distant stairway. “Tomorrow morning is the final test, so I recommend you rest up.”
Still, none of us immediately move. It feels like another trap.
I’m the first to take a step forward. I emerge from the cage, and none of the inquisitors move for me.
“Saipha, Lucan, let’s go.”
The three of us walk out together.
The entire time, my eyes sweep across the inquisitors. Maybe there’s more to this place than pushing to draw out the curse. Maybe this place is like a crucible, testing our mettle. Seeing who can stand up to the heat and who collapses. After the sundering pits, the vicar’s abuses, the Font, the trial… I am not the girl I was when I entered. I’m something more.
Something so much worse.
After all, it takes monsters to kill monsters. And that is what they have made me.
55
The three of us sleep in Saipha’s room together as we had been. Partly habit, partly because I think none of us could bear being alone. Saipha takes her bed, balling in on herself. I take my mattress on the floor.
Lucan curls up behind me, our backs touching. Saipha’s hand dangles off the edge of her bed, and I clutch her quivering fingers. That’s how I know when she leaves.
The door to the bathroom at the end of the hall is closing as I emerge from the room. I’m not far behind her.
Hand on the door, I pause at the sound of her retching. I’m about to give her privacy. Then I think better of it.
I push open the door. Saipha clings to the latrine with white knuckles. Her body shudders. She chokes back sobs like she chokes back bile, most of her dinner gone.
The moment my hands land on her shoulders, she flinches and turns, half falling back, swinging to strike me. I have no trouble catching her wrists. Our eyes meet.
“It’s me,” I say.
“Is it?”
“It’s me,” I repeat, firmer than before.
“How do I know?” The question is as weak and small as she is right now.
“This is real.” I pull her to me and throw my arms around her, burying my fingers in her hair. Clutching her in the way I wanted to all those nights we were separated. Tortured. “You’re safe now.”
She exhales a bitter laugh at that and clutches me back. “You know that’s not true. They own this place. They run it. And they can do whatever they want to us.”
She’s right.It took me coming here to see it, even despite my mother’s warnings. Anything—literally anythingis forgiven, or excused, or permitted in Vinguard if it can be claimed to be a teaching of the Creed, in defense of the city, or an act against the dragons. They commit atrocities against us and teach us it’s normal. Tell us to look the other way because the people in power have it under control.
Mum, you were right all along…“It shouldn’t be like this,” I murmur. My strong and steady friend, reduced to quivering like a leaf. Her skin is clammy and cold. “I’m going to fix it.”
“T-too broken… Some things can’t be fixed.”
