“It seems as good of a place as any, and for the best that we don’t have too many people going to your hideaway—or else it might raise suspicions. Given that we’ve already killed one Pillar, I suspect they will be on high alert.”
“Very true.” His surprise evaporated. Meaning, he knew they had killed the Pillar. Eira had suspected that was what had tipped him off in the first place that they were potential allies. Or he had identified her with her ice daggers alone.
“I would like to see Hokoh’s headquarters.” Olivin stepped forward. “If I may join you?” he asked Lorn, then looked back to Eira. “One of us should know the way.”
“Good thinking,” she said. He was right. Yet, something about it felt unsettling. If someone was going to go, shouldn’t it be her as their captain? Or should she stay with the majority like a captain stayed with the ship? There was something shiftingbeneath her ever since arriving back to Meru that kept Eira continually feeling like she couldn’t find her footing.
“I’ll be back later.” Oblivious to Eira’s struggles, Olivin readily followed Lorn back into the shadows.
30
The rest of them spent the remaining part of the afternoon settling into the abode. It was easy to get comfortable in the space, since it was actually designed to be a home, and the weather was fortunately mild.
The hardest part was not making any fires—Eira wasn’t sure how closely the Pillars watched houses that were driven out or abandoned…but she didn’t want to risk someone seeing flames where there shouldn’t be any. An illusion had been considered, but they didn’t want to take even the slight risk of someone passing by and sensing the magic—or Eira’s power wavering when she inevitably slept.
As the twilight filtered through the grime and dust that caked the windows, Alyss closed her journal with a soft sigh. This was her third, or fourth one? The one that the actual story was going into, according to her.
“Is it fighting with you today?” Eira asked as she watched the back stairwell where Lorn had emerged from earlier for signs of Olivin…or of any enemies, passing her dagger from hand to hand while she waited. Every time the grip moved from one palm to the other, Eira thoughtfully made sure no magic was sticking to the blade.
“A bit.” Alyss rolled onto her back. She’d been propped on her elbows for hours, writing away while there was enough light for it in a position that Eira was certain couldn’t have been comfortable. “I’ve put my heroine into a tough situation and I’m not sure how she’s going to get out of it.”
“I’m always happy to bounce ideas, if you’d find it helpful,” Yonlin said over the soft clanking of metal. He’d been tinkering and writing in his own notebook. Though a very different subject matter from Alyss. As he spoke, his eyes darted her way, almost sheepishly.
“Thank you.” Alyss gave him a warm smile that was returned, and the expressions lingered long enough that Eira shifted to make sure her face couldn’t be seen by Yonlin.
When he went back to tinkering, Eira whispered, “So…when is thiswhatever-it-isbetween you two going to materialize?”
“There’s no whatever-it-is going on.” Alyss rolled back onto her stomach, grabbing her notebook and flipping it open again. She was only pretending to write, but Eira wasn’t sure for whose benefit. Hers? Or Yonlin’s?
“It’s not nothing.” Eira kept her voice as low as possible.
As if realizing what she was trying to do, Cullen struck up a conversation with Yonlin, distracting him. Eira silently thanked him for the assistance. But she didn’t risk looking back.
“I’m sure it is.” The cap of Alyss’s pen was still on, and she drew endless circles of invisible ink in the corner of her page.
“Sounds like you and he haven’t talked.”
Alyss sighed and sunk her chin into her palm. “He’s…nice. Thoughtful. His obsession with machinations—especially of the weapons variety—is a bit strange, I admit.”
“You adore me, and I’m pretty strange.”
“You’re right about that.” Alyss grinned up at her, briefly. “I think if he loved those things because he loved the destructionthey wrought, it might be harder for me. But he’s very academic about it. I deeply admire his mind.”
A small twinge of sorrow twisted in Eira’s heart.Obsessed with the destruction they could reap…like she was. Eira couldn’t stop herself from resting her hand on Alyss’s. In her periphery, she could see her friend’s look of confusion. But Eira didn’t move.
For right now…she wanted a breath, two, ten, where she knew her best friend was still at her side and things were almost like they’d always been…if she pretended. She didn’t want to acknowledge that fate and time were pulling them apart, even if it was only slightly. Even if the paths were parallel. She didn’t want to lose the woman she cared about most in the whole world.
“You should tell him how you feel,” Eira said. She tapped Alyss’s notebook. “Your heroine would.”
“I don’t know, my heroine sometimes makesdumbchoices.”
“Wonder who you modeled that after,” Eira said dryly. Alyss snorted. “Seriously, though.”
“I know, it’s just that…I don’t know if he’d want someone like me.” Alyss’s voice had gone tiny with the weight of her insecurity.
“‘Someone like you?’ Someone profoundly kind? Thoughtful? Smart? Immeasurably patient? An incredibly talented artist? Not to mention absolutely gorgeous.” Eira had just been getting started when Alyss interrupted.
“Someone who doesn’t want the carnal acts of passion at all.” Fear of how others would feel about Alyss’s desires—or complete lack thereof—had always held her back. Ever since they were back in the Tower and Alyss realized she was “different” from most in lacking those urges.
