“I don’t know if I can be,” Eira admitted.
“You’re strong enough.” Alyss knew just what she needed to hear. She’d been there every step when it came to matters of Eira’s family.
“I…I know I am.” The words tasted somewhat of a lie. But were more or less truth. Eira had the luxury of strength because she no longer needed them as the woman she’d become. But the girl who she had been still longed, just once in her life, for their approval. “But I’m not sure if my honesty will break them. If that will be worth it.”
I don’t have to break them to mend myself. The words stung. A petty, childish part of her wished they weren’t true. But they were. Her being no longer depended on them. Wounding them was unlikely to heal her.
“That’s a decision only you can make. But don’t sacrifice your peace for their comfort. You aren’t responsible for how they feel.”
Eira heard Alyss’s words. But hoped by the time they entered the building she’d fully believed them.
“Alyss is right.” Cullen finally spoke, drawing Eira’s attention solely to him. But he only stared ahead. Focused intensely on the door. “Say what you need to say. Speak like you’ll never have another chance to—you never know if you will.”
What would he have said to his father, if he’d known that there wouldn’t be another chance? How would he have acted differently, all those weeks and months, if he’d known that his whole life would crumble? But from the rubble he could build something new, entirely on his own and for himself, after so many years of having the design of his life be dictated by those around him.
She didn’t have the heart to ask him, at least not in this moment. Not even when Cullen shifted his weight to look back at her. Wordlessly, he reached forward and grabbed her face with a single hand. The touch was steady with need, but not overly demanding. It was the unhesitant ease that had her leaning in. “For luck,” he murmured against her lips before kissing her as if it was the last time he ever could.
As abruptly as the kiss began, he pulled away, squaring off against the door. Without another word, he entered the building. Leaving Eira to feel a twinge of envy at his boldness.
“So, you and Cullen are still…” Alyss glanced between them.
“Yes.”
“And Olivin?”
“Also yes.” Though things with both had been in a sort of stasis following Noelle. It hadn’t been the time, or place.
Alyss nudged and squeezed her hand. “Now that’s something you could share with your parents.”
Eira barked laughter at the absurdity of the suggestion. Alyss joined in. The effort to lighten the mood worked. But only for a moment. Tension settled back in with a sigh from Eira.
“All right, let’s go.” Eira stepped forward. Alyss’s hand dropped from hers when she didn’t move in step with Eira. The question never had a chance to leave her lips. Instead, Eira saw the answer written on Alyss’s face. “No,” she whispered.
“You need to do this on your own.”
“But—”
“I will be right here when you’re finished. And, if necessary, I’m sure there’s somewhere in this city that sells sticky buns.”
“You’re the worst.” It was already hard to speak.
“I know.” Alyss jerked her head toward the door. “Now, go on.”
The soldier that had escorted them had taken his position off to the side. Eira walked past him, debating whether she should assure him they’d only be a minute. But she ultimately decided against it. Who knew how long this would take?
Unlocked, the heavy door provided no resistance. A foyer connected to a long hall before her, stairs stretching up one side to a loft above with more doors. Eira paused, debating where to go next. Cullen was nowhere to be seen. The heavy shutting of the door behind her was ultimately what made the choice for her.
“Yes?” An unfamiliar woman emerged from an archway in the back, wiping her hands on a rag. It was strange to hear the tones of Solaris after becoming so accustomed to the accents of Meru and Qwint. “Are you with His Lordship?”
“Yes—but no,” Eira quickly corrected herself. She was traveling with Cullen, but in this moment they had to go their own ways. “I’m looking for Reona and Herron Landan.” Eira spoke the words, but they somehow felt like they came from someone else.This couldn’t be happening…
“Reona, Herron,” the woman called into the room attached by the archway. “You’ve a guest.”
She’d barely had a chance to finish saying the words before a woman breezed past her in a blur. Eira’s eyes widened a fraction as her father emerged behind her mother. It was the first time they had laid eyes on each other since Marcus’s death. In a second, Eira was back in Solaris castle…alone…waiting on word. Fearing her family hated her once and for all—for good.
“Eira.” Reona rushed forward. Eira didn’t have a chance to react before her mother’s arms enveloped her, crushing her. She was so startled that it wasn’t until her mother drew a shuddering breath that Eira realized her cheek and shoulder were wet from tears. “We thought we’d lost you, too.”
Those words had her arms closing around the woman who was both mother and stranger. Friend and foe. The woman who had raised her, and also managed to tear her down. But, for a second, none of that mattered. It all could wait as they, at long last, shared in a grief that only they truly knew.
