“And it will die with me anyway because I cannot bear children,” he nearly speaks over me.
“There are many ways to have a child, Evander, and only one is by your own blood.”
“In any case, my father brought me across the Fade and I made my oath. We couldn’t go all the way to Den. But, thanks to the connections our pack had made with the spirits, we could summon the great wolf from the grove of Den,” Evander continues hastily, clearly eager to change the subject. I let the matter of children drop, for now. It’s clearly a sensitive topic, understandably so, and not the most important thing at this moment. “The full moon had enhanced not only our powers—but all other lykin’s as well. Including the man who was most connected with the wolf spirit.”
“Conri. That was how he found you both.”
“It was hard for him to ignore the sensation of a young lykin making his oaths when there was no one in Den. After that, it was a matter of getting the information of who it was from Aurora.”
“You knew Aurora?”
He shakes his head. “Aurora could consult with the wolf spirit and confirm which pack had just made oaths.”
I realize why Conri forces all lykin to Den to make their oaths; it prevents any packs from resurrecting themselves quietly, away from his prying eyes. His wickedness seems only to be matched by his cleverness, and there are clearly no limits to what he’ll do to ensure his power.
“Then it was a matter of Conri remembering what Bardulf had said, and coming for you and your father,” I say, filling in the gap. “Which, if he had to consult Aurora, and then was coming from Den, would’ve taken him a few weeks.”
Three people moving in tandem, each oblivious to the true actions of the others. Evander had gone to take his oaths and become a full lykin in magic as well as blood. Conri was gathering his information and his knights. And I was preparing to go before the great redwood to ask the spirits to confirm my suspicion that the young man I’d fallen in love with was, indeed, my soulmate.
“He crossed the Fade the night of the new moon. Risky for a lykin to do when his powers were weak, but he suspected, rightly, that he had the upper hand on us from numbers alone, and we were too weak ourselves to sense he was coming until it was too late. We had no warning. One moment, my father and I were going to bed—me secretly preparing to sneak away and meet you. The next moment, Father told me we had to run. He’d prepared everything as if he’d known it was a risk from the moment I took my oath.” Evander drops his chin and slowly shakes his head. His shoulders droop some from the weight of that night. “I begged Father to let me leave word for you, but he said we couldn’t risk it. I wanted to meet you first, but he refused that as well. Faelyn, I am so, so sorry.”
“Evander, you were trying to keep yourself and your father alive. I understand.” The words are surprisingly easy to say. There’s still a child in me that wants to shout at him for the pain he caused me. But it is easy to ignore her.
She was a girl who saw the world in such simple rules. If someone wasn’t with her, then they had left her forever. Gone. Abandoned. A girl who was afraid of losing everyone precious to her and spending her days alone.
“Faelyn—”
“Let your guilt go,” I stress. I hear it lingering in his tone. Ripe with pain. “It serves no one. Not you. Not me—I don’t want it.”
Evander sighs and straightens some. He turns toward the dawn that lights his face orange. “Conri found Father and me in the woods. He killed my father, and nearly killed me, too. But, in the end, I think he liked the idea of having me under his control more than he liked me dead. I was the last survivor of the pack that had eluded so many kings. And Conri was the one to bring me to heel.”
“Like some sick trophy,” I mutter.
“Conri brought me back across the Fade while I was unconscious and bleeding out. Burning with infection and trauma. By the time I regained my wits, I was in Den. Scarred and vastly outnumbered. I was offered the choices of serving him, or dying by his hand.”
“What made you choose to serve him?” I ask delicately. “Obviously, I am glad for this choice,” I add hastily, with a small laugh. Evander huffs amusement as well. “But…you had just seen that man kill your father. Before then, you had spent your final moments with your father trying to run from him. No doubt being warned of the dangers. I…” I’m beginning to regret the question. But I’m in too deep. “I don’t know if I would’ve made the same decision,” I admit and leave it at that.
“You.”
“What?” I blink.
Evander shifts, moving closer to me. We’re both sitting angled toward each other, facing the sunrise. It reminds me of when I would slip out through the window in the loft and meet him on the roof of the hut. We’d spend the night talking, just like this, until sunrise. Though the topics were usually far lighter.
Still, like then, I can’t take my eyes off of him. The rest of the world is distant and blurred. The only thing in focus is him in all the watercolor hues of dawn.
“I chose to serve him because of you.”
I blink, startled. Evander continues before I can say anything.
“If I had died, it would take a lifetime to meet you again in the Beyond. As long as I drew breath, it meant I had hope of our paths crossing. I would endure whatever pain that meant, just for the chance to see you one more time.”
The vise that was put on my heart tightens, causing it to beat harder, shortening my breath. Everything he endured. Everything he went through. Was because of me.
“My love,” he whispers. The two words are like honey in my ears and I shiver before his hand even cups my cheek. “There is no more need of tears anymore, not now that we’re together.” Evander brushes away a rogue rivulet with his thumb.
“You went through so much.”
“And I would go through it all again, ten times over, if it brought me back to this moment—to you.”
