No.No, no, no. My eyes snap open and I sit. I will not pleasure myself to the thought of that man. I am doing this to free my mind from him. Not to allow him to worm deeper into it.
Try again.
My back is against the cot once more. Hand in position. I force my eyes closed and try to think of anything—anyone else. But the innkeeper’s son I sneaked into an unused room with slowly morphs into Conri in my mind’s eye. The traveler I met on the road and lay with underneath an old oak becomes the king atop me.
It’s not as though I have a deep swath of sexual experiences to draw from. Liam, the only man I ever loved, he left me with nothing but kisses and a broken heart. Neither of which are enough for me to shake the visions of Conri that plague my everythought. It’s as if the wolf king imprinted himself on me in a mere day’s time.
Think of someone else, literally anyone else…
Then, my mind takes a turn I wasn’t expecting.
Perhaps it is the smell of the cot. The location. His proximity…but the phantom sensation of Evander’s arms slipping around me overtakes me once more. I feel his breath, hot on my neck. As if he’s really there…
My hand moves with more purpose. I shift, leaning into it. Allowing myself to get lost in my body.
In my fantasy, I turn. My legs wrap around Evander’s waist and I tangle my fingers into his black, silken locks. He bites at the base of my neck, as though he were a vampir, but then lets out a growl that’s all lykin.
Yes, my love, my mate, that’s it,he would whisper in my ear as my hips rolled against his.That’s it…don’t hesitate. Let yourself go. Give yourself to me.
Yes, my every movement says in reply.Take me. Undo me. Make me yours.
A soft whimper escapes my lips. I can’t tell if it’s real, or my fantasy. I’m so lost in the sensations…every motion sweeter than the last. My other hand is assisting in the pleasure, underneath my shirt. Working me to a delicious breaking point.
Come for me, the Evander of my imagination commands. I’ve never received such a deliciously crude request before. So outright. So bold.
It snaps me in two. My back arches off the cot. I bite into the bedroll to keep myself from calling out or moaning as my body trembles and shudders. Luckily, I learned how to keep myself silent, and as the haze of pleasure leaves me, I’m fairly confident that I made no noise.
Swinging my feet off the cot, I stand and adjust myself, ensuring nothing is out of place. Clothes smoothed over and mycomposure collected, I take the few steps to Evander. But my hand hovers just short of touching his shoulder. My thoughts are still in my fantasy. Of him. Of all that bare skin against mine…
I swallow thickly and tap him. He turns to face me. Somehow, that’s worse because now I can see his sharp, hungry eyes. As though he really could devour me whole.
Come for me, the rogue whisper echoes through my mind and I fight a shiver.
“We should go,” I force myself to say, voice level. I’m not sure how long I took, but it’s probably better to move faster rather than slower.
He nods. “We should take a few laps around camp, make sure any smell of me has time to air out of your clothes.”
“Right.” I glance back at the cot as he leads me out of the tent. My thoughts continue to wander back to what just happened. Why, out of everyone, did I have to choose him? No, that question I can answer. He’s achingly handsome in almost every way that has ever appealed to me. And he’s a relatively unknown person to me, still. I can impose whatever fantasy I need upon him like a blank canvas.
The better question is why, out of everyone, out of all possible fantasies I tried to conjure, was Evander the only one that Conri’s magic charm couldn’t break through?
CHAPTER 16
My thoughtsand wondering persist long after Evander leaves me alone inside Conri’s tent. I think I managed to act normal enough around him during our walk around camp. Whatever “normal” means for us.
I bury my face in my hands and steal a breath to myself. What am I doing pleasuring myself to thoughts of the man who burned down my home? I should feel disgusted with myself for it, but all I feel is more hatred toward Conri. Were it not for him, none of this—not one thing—would be happening.
I cling to that hatred when he finally enters the tent. As he does so, I catch one glimpse of Evander positioned outside. Our eyes meet, briefly, and then it’s just me and the wolf king.
“My love.” Conri holds out his arms and walks over to me.
My love, my mate,fantasy Evander whispers from the back of my mind.
I shiver as Conri embraces me. He chuckles and pulls away. Judging from the gleam in his eyes and the somewhat triumphant smile he wears, he thinks the shiver was solely because of him. It’s for the best that I let him continue thinking that.
“I am so sorry to keep you waiting,” he says. There’s no indication that he smells Evander on me. Though, I trusted Evander to know what the keen senses of his kind would and wouldn’t pick up.
“It’s all right, darling.” I try to add sweetness to my words and admiration to my gaze. Though all I feel inside is simmering loathing. “I took the opportunity to learn more about those that will soon be my people.”
