“Where are you going to search for it?”
“Anywhere. Everywhere.” The words were as light as the seabirds that followed the ship, gliding effortlessly. “Maybe my true home is somewhere out there across the distance seas. Maybe it’s just over that horizon.” Eira pointed to the distance. “Maybe it is still back in Solaris and I won’t know that until I’ve explored everywhere else and have come to realize that nowhere fits me better.”
Eira savored the feeling of the deck under her feet, a firm contrast to the gently rocking seas. A massive ocean that stretched far beyond her and yet that her power mingled with. The salt wind in her hair… There was a peace here indeed, somewhere she could stay until she found the place she was meant to be.
“I think I’m going to take the ship that Adela gives us and when all this is over, I’m going to explore as far as I can go—as far as the winds and currents allow.”
Cullen was silent again. She gave him his space to process what she had just said. A knot twisted in her gut, wringing out the heat that had lingered from earlier. Cullen was finding himself as much as she was finding herself. But if any part of him was called back to titles, and courts, and balls…this was the end for them. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. Because, while Eira didn’t yet know where she was meant to be, she knew it wasn’t among the ranks of nobility. Hopefully, it wouldn’t stop them from enjoying each other’s company in the meantime…
“Well, if you’re going to go as far as the sea allows, then having a Windwalker at your side would prove useful.”
Eira’s attention jerked to him. She could feel her lips part as her jaw went slack with surprise. She heard him clearly. And yet, she doubted her ears.
“Cullen…what you’re saying?—”
“I know what I’m saying,” he stopped her there, gently. Cullen took her hand and laced his fingers with hers. “Every captain needs a first mate. Or, at the very least, someone who can make sure the wind is always in their sails.”
“But your family…”
“My father is probably dead,” he said softly. On instinct he turned back east, looking in the direction of Meru. “My stepmother, a widow, will have the sympathy of the court. She’ll be fine. And I was never particularly her favorite to begin with… There’s not much else for me there. Other than a life of contorting myself into the mold others have set for me. A mindless existence where I never stop to ask myself what I actually want in the midst of it all.”
Eira silently admitted it sounded horrible…but that had been the life that he’d chosen—or at least accepted—until now. Could he really just walk away from it?
“Be that as it may, the life I want to live isn’t one of accolades and ease. It will be hardship and hungry nights and cold days.”
“If I hunger, it will be only for your kisses. If I am cold, it is only because I am waiting for you to come and warm me.” He met her eyes, taking a half step closer. “Your home might be out there, somewhere…but I truly believe my home might be with you.”
“And what if I choose someone else?” she whispered.
“Olivin? You can say his name.” Cullen chuckled. “We’re both well aware of the other.”
“You never know, some other burly deckhand could sweep me off my feet and steal my heart.” Eira slid her braid over her shoulder and glanced at him from the corners of her eyes.
“Fair.” Somehow, Cullen still didn’t seem bothered. “Eira, I know you can’t promise how you’ll feel, who you’ll choose, if anyone. Just like I can’t promise how I might feel in a year, five years, or beyond. Forever is a long time from now. But right now I understand that you need to find what you want, for yourself. Just as I am doing. So even if he’s there at your side, too, even if you have a hundred lovers, I still want to go with you because I’m not going for him, or them, or anyone else; I’m going for myself and for you.”
Shock crashed over her. The heat had returned, flushing her body from head to toe and filling her with yearning and admiration. With all the emotions that she hadn’t felt toward Cullen in a long time, and perhaps never this sincerely or powerfully.
“Are you sure?” She tried to prevent her hope from slipping into her voice. This had to be his decision alone.
“If I change my mind, I’ll let you know.”
“But—”
“Eira, you kept telling me that I couldn’t always live for others. That I had to live for myself. I took your words to heart. This is what I want for myself and I’m going in with both eyes open.”
“Then…” Her fingers tightened around his. “I would be honored to have you as part of my future crew.”
The anchor clamored with grinding metal and heavy clanking as it fell along the side of the ship and splashed into the water. In the distance was a strip of gray at the very edge of the horizon, where the hazy sky of dawn met the water. Thin enough that it was possible it was just an illusion. But Eira knew better.
It was Carsovia.
“Her Iciness would like to see you before you go ashore,” Crow interrupted the brief conversation that they had all been having at the bow of the vessel, debating what fate held next for them. Trying to make what plans they were able. It seemed Eira would get answers for them all.
“I’ll be back soon, I’m sure.” She bid farewell to her friends and followed Crow down to Adela’s cabin. Crow stood off to the side, as she usually did, allowing Eira to enter alone.
Adela was situated back at her usual table. But instead of sitting, she stood, poring over maps. Metal cartographer’s tools glinted in the sunlight as they danced over the tanned and dyed leathers. The pirate queen hardly looked up as Eira crossed over.
“We are here,” Adela said without fanfare, pointing to one of the coasts on her map. “The mines are here.” Her finger slid back to the southwest.
