“How does it feel?” Olivin asked softly, directly into her ear. “Stepping into Adela’s shoes?”
Eira tilted her head slightly in his direction. Her temple brushed against his cheek, and her forehead. An almost wicked smile split her lips.
“Do you really want to know the answer to that?”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t,” he murmured.
“Fine, the truth then. It feels…like I was born for this.”
33
Black Flag Bay was in the distance, fading away, collapsing into a caramel-colored sky. Eira was no longer at the helm of theStormfrost. Adela had resumed her command and charted a direct course for Carsovia, their storerooms fully replenished. Oddly, despite the events of the day, Adela seemed to have no interest in speaking with Eira. There would’ve been a time when this had worried Eira, but, at present, she couldn’t find it within herself to be bothered.
Her core was still molten, swirling at the lingering memories of Cullen and his mouth on her. Her hip burned with the feeling of Olivin’s hand grasping it. To think, at one point she felt torn over these men. Over things like who was the best for her or who would make her happier. Torn over guilt for not knowing who her heart was drawn to more.
But in this moment…she was as free as the sea breeze. As bright as the distant sun. Opportunities were as vast as the horizon and her life as worth exploring as an uncharted course. She didn’t need to have all the answers right now. It’d be doing them all a disservice to try. And she’d been completely honest with both men—with all her friends—on where she stood and what she didn’t yet know.
Her whole life was still ahead of her. So much to discover once the Pillars were dealt with. And, after utterly trouncing their ship, even they felt surmountable. For the first time, Eira felt like she had all the resources at her disposal to bring Ulvarth to his knees and he wouldn’t even know it was coming.
Eira rested with her hands on the railing of the back of the ship, reflecting on the events of the day. She didn’t even notice Cullen approaching until he took a position next to her, their sides flush against each other.
“I think I owe you,” he said, somewhat coy.
“I think you do,” she replied with a chuckle. “I’m going to hold you to it.”
Cullen laughed as well. “I hope you do. I hope you hold a lot more than that to me.” He glanced in her direction with a smirk.
“I could arrange that, once we’re no longer on a ship with everyone looking over everyone else’s shoulders.” She leaned away from the railing, drawing her height and power with it. The currents beneath them still responded to her whims, doing as she bid. “I’m afraid I don’t feel inclined for an audience.”
“Neither do I.”
“Cullen…” Seriousness slipped its way into his name. “I’ve been thinking.”
“Always a dangerous thing to do.”
“Agreed. I’ve been thinking that once this is all over…once Ulvarth is dead, the Pillars are disbanded and nothing more than a few zealots clinging to a bygone ideal that whatever government Meru instates can deal with…once my parents are saved, the nations have peace, and Vi Solaris has her treaty…”
“Only a few things,” he interjected.
“One or two.” She shrugged as though everything she had listed were trivial matters. “I’ve been thinking that I’m not going to return to Solaris.”
“No?” He shifted away from the railing, looking at her with a furrowed brow. Eira wondered if for the first time he was seeing her. Truly seeing her as the person she was meant to be. Probably because for the first time she felt like she could reallybethat person—or, rather, she had any idea who that person was.
“I want to see my parents safe and returned to their home, same with my uncle. But it is their place, not mine; Solaris is not my home.”
“They love you, you know.”
“I know.” And for the first time she did. It was unequivocal, without fear, and no doubts or caveats attached. “They came halfway across the world to watch me compete. They left everything to be there, even though I wish they hadn’t. I know they have been imperfect and, if I’m being honest, there are things that I will never quite forgive them for…but I know they’retrying. And, to a point, that’s good enough. Maybe not good enough for us to spend our winters together huddled around hearths, or summers on Oparium’s beaches, but good enough to sit around the table whenever I’m in town and reminisce about when times were simple and good and easy. They loved me as best they knew how.”
He was silent for a long time. Eira wondered if Cullen was thinking of his own father. Surely he too had wondered what had become of him…but Cullen had said very little about it, and it was something that Eira didn’t feel like it was her place to push. Whatever he was working through was for him alone, until he invited her in.
“If not Solaris, where? What next?” he finally asked.
Eira shrugged. “I don’t know where or what will happen when all this is over, assuming I survive.”
“Of course you will survive,” Cullen said firmly and quickly.
She gave him a small smile. “It was a wonder that we survived the coliseum. I have no expectations. I know what I’m going into. But,” she continued before he could make another defensive statement, “assuming I do, I think I want to go and search for what home is to me.”
