“Neither am I,” Eira said hastily, hoping her next words didn’t immediately contradict that. “But…I don’t know how I feel,” she admitted. “I know I care for you both, in different ways. But if you were to ask me to choose, right now, the answer is I don’t know.
“I’ve been so focused on surviving, keeping everyone safe, regaining my magic, learning all Adela has to teach, figuring out what’s next… My focus hasn’t been on sorting through matters of my heart.” Eira shook her head, glancing away. The brief shame of admitting it not just to herself, but to them, that she had been keeping them all in limbo, was almost too much. Yet, she forced her eyes back, anyway. They deserved that much. “I feel as though I’ve only just begun to get my footing enough again tostartthinking about it. But I’m still learning who I am, and it wouldn’t be fair to choose either of you as I am.
“I don’t expect you to wait for me to decide, either,” she added hastily. The words were flowing freely, riding on the currents of relief at being finally said. “I’m not asking that. But I’m not going to force myself into a decision, nor fall on a whim. Who I choose—if I choose love again at all—is going to be on my terms.”
They both stared at her. Eira’s attention volleyed between them, searching for any indication of justified anger, or brokenhearted hurt. But she found neither. Instead, a slight but tender smile curled the edges of Cullen’s lips. Olivin’s eyes looked like those of a cat’s, staring down a challenging prey.
“That’s understandable,” Cullen said.
“Fine by me.” Olivin nodded. The two men shared a brief and tense look. Yet, throughout it, grins split their lips. “You know I’m not going to make this easy on you, don’t you?”
“I’m not going to fight you,” Cullen retorted.
“Oh?”
“I don’t think I have to.” Cullen folded his arms.
Olivin tried to draw his height. Cullen didn’t bother attempting to rise to the measure, instead looking even more secure.
A disbelieving laugh escaped Eira. “You’re both…all right with this?”
“It seems a bit unreasonable, if you ask me, to put you on the spot and ask you to make this choice.” Olivin eased away from his posturing with Cullen. His expression shifted into something more sincere. “Especially when you have so much you’re sorting through.”
“No matter who you choose, or when you choose, I want you to be certain,” Cullen added. There was meaning layered underneath those words.I don’t want to rush into this again, he said without saying. Eira remembered what he’d said whenthey’d first spoken alone.I want to see if the man I am becoming will manage to earn your trust and your heart again.
“I do want to make one thing clear, however,” Olivin spoke. “Are there any rules?”
“Rules?” Eira echoed, confused, despite Cullen looking like he already grasped what Olivin was trying to say.
“Are we holding back?” Olivin cocked his head to the side, a lazy smirk gliding across his lips. “Or may we do whatever it takes—whatever feels right in a moment, to win your heart?”
Both of their eyes were on her, expectant. Eira swallowed thickly. They looked as if they wanted to devour her whole. A shiver glided through her. Part of her…wanted to let them.
“If we’re all on the same page, and are all right with it…I don’t know why we would hold back.” Eira’s voice dropped to little more than a whisper. There was a warble brought on by a shameful surge of desire that coursed through her. Unbridled fantasies, unleashed by their permission—theirenthusiasm—raced through her mind. Every thought more scandalous than the last of what they might do to win her heart. Of just how fun the process of discovery could be for them all when there were no more barriers or questions.
“Excellent.” Olivin shifted to face Cullen. “Then?—”
Cullen stole his words before Olivin had the chance to finish. “May the best man win.”
Eira bit the insides of her cheeks, keeping herself from reminding them that whether she chose either—or neither—she was fairly certain she’d be the one on top.
23
The world was alive around her. The sea was a wellspring of power. Every drop of water in the air—from the salt spray to the clouds above—seemed to tremble as her magic washed over it.
Eira sat perfectly still on deck. Adela circled her like a hawk. Even though Eira’s eyes were closed, she could feel the pirate queen’s presence through the shifts in magic.
“More, Eira,” Adela commanded.
Eira furrowed her brow. A bead of sweat rolled down her neck as her magic ran down the sides of the ship and curled with the waves. Adela’s power pressed against her, as unyielding as the thick layer of ice that covered theStormfrost. But there wasn’t a trace of it in the seas.
She curled her hands into fists, as if trying to grasp the ocean itself.
Adela rapped Eira’s knuckles with her cane. “No physical tells,” she scolded. Eira relaxed her fingers. The tip of the cane pressed between her brows. “Here, too.”
Eira bit the insides of her cheeks but forced her face to remain passive. She’d never had a teacher that had demanded so much of her. She’d had supportive instructors. Her uncles, whoconveniently always told her to avoid pushing herself. But never someone who demanded more—who stopped her from holding herself back.
“Results, Eira,” Adela sighed.
