“I’m still going to talk to her about it all, when I have a chance.” Eira glanced over her shoulder. Lavette was still in discussion with Varren. “I think I owe it to her.”
“She’d probably appreciate that, knowing her. She’s one to want to, respectfully, get matters out in the open.” He glanced over his shoulder. “Though, you might want to wait until she’s less generally on edge as a result of her circumstances.” On that, Eira could agree.
“About your feelings for me… They’re still there?” Eira folded and unfolded her fingers in her lap.
“I was ready to die for you less than a week ago,” he said softly. “I’d say they’re still there.”
Eira nodded and continued to stare behind them. “Cullen, I… I don’t?—”
He rested a hand on her knee and shifted to look her in the eyes. The setting sun was picking up the orange notes in his hazel irises.
“It’s all right. You don’t have to have an answer for me. So much has changed.You’vechanged—are changing. I’m changing too, or at least trying to. Who knows if we’ll change in a way that brings us together, or pushes us apart.” He wore an easy smile. As if, for the first time, he could say everything he wanted to. “But I do know I care for you still, despite all odds. I know that you defy logic and reason for me as much as you always have. And I know that I lost your trust, and possibly your heart. But I want to see if the man I’m becoming will manage to earn them again.”
She couldn’t stop a slight smile. There was an urge to kiss him. Even still, even now.
“My feelings don’t make sense to me either sometimes,” she admitted. “Sometimes, you’re all I can think of. Other times, I want nothing to do with you.”
“The feeling is mutual.” He reached up and tucked a stand of hair behind her ear. His fingers lingered on the crest of her ear, trailing delicately down her neck as he pulled away.
“I fear I might be stuck with you forever,” she admitted with a whisper. “In one way or another.”
“I hope so. Right now, I still desire to be your lover. To be a manworthyof that love. But if it’s not meant to be, I know I would be overjoyed to merely be counted among your friends.” He chuckled and shook his head. “I would even bear it if you must call me your enemy… The only thing I wouldn’t be able to stand is if we were nothing. Because then I wouldn’t have even the slightest place in your heart. I would live with the knowledge that I never crossed your thoughts, and that would be a fate worse than death.”
Eira sat in stunned silence. Her hand moved on its own, reaching for his that still rested on her knee. Their fingertips, just up to the first knuckle, slotted together. It felt like understanding. For the first time, they were on the same page. There were no more secrets. No more fears.
“What about the engagement?” she couldn’t help but ask.
“Neither Lavette nor I have any interest in pursuing it. That much is clear.” He shrugged. “Either our fathers are dead, and there won’t be any pressure to honor it, or, even if they’re alive, there are enough other concerns that I doubt they’ll put up much of a fight. It’s really up to us.” He paused and then spoke before she could. Surprising her when he said, “Though I suppose it always was up to us. That was what you wanted me to see all along, wasn’t it?”
“Yes.” The word was part sigh of relief.
“So she will go back to Qwint as soon as she’s able to find a way and, as for me…I’m not sure what’s next, or what the future holds.” He shrugged.
“I’ve never seen you so…” Eira struggled for the right word or phrase.
“Free?” Cullen smirked and leaned back, lounging as if for emphasis. Something about him on the boat looked right in a way Eira would’ve never expected before now. “Other than the guilt that surrounds the feeling—since it likely came at the cost of my father’s life and my being a captive of the pirate queen—I have never been so relaxed. I don’t have anywhere to be or any expectations upon me. I feel like I’m finally trying to embody the wind, rather than be the storm.”
“What do you mean?”
“All my life, I was trying to exert force—or others were trying to do so upon me, or on my behalf. To make things happen. This is the first time I don’t have a plan or direction. I’m just seeing what comes next and taking it one step at a time.”
Eira leaned back as well and savored the easy silence. If only for a second. There were still more hard, necessary topics to discuss. But, for now, she enjoyed the sound of the boat cutting through the water. The cries of the birds as they pecked at the marsh minnows and worms in the nearby banks. The smell of a distant campfire where some traveler was roasting meat.
For a second, he was the wind and she was the current, souls dancing. They would see where fate would take them.
“When we get to Ofok, Adela is going to let you all go,” Eira said softly, drawing Cullen’s attention back to her. Everyone else had given them space—talking about lovers’ matters had worked to drive any prying ears away and now was her chance. “She said she’ll do so without harm to any of you. She should remove the shackles, too. But if she doesn’t, I found out where she keeps the key—it’s in an inside breast pocket of her coat.”
“Eira…”
“I’m sure theStormfrostis somewhere off the coast of Ofok. While I don’t know where, given what Adela has said, she won’tbe coming back this way for some time—I believe she only came because of me.”
“Eira,” Cullen said more firmly. “What aboutyou?” He saw right through her careful choice in words.
“I won’t leave her side until I get my magic back,” she said softly, weaker than she would’ve liked. “I don’t know why it hasn’t come back yet…but it hasn’t. I do have confidence though that with enough time, she can do it.”
“What if she’s purposefully drawing out the process of getting your magic back?” His voice dropped to a whisper. He was looking out of the corners of his eyes as much as she was for any pirates who might venture too close or otherwise be listening in on their hushed conversation.
“Why would she? I’m more valuable to her with my powers than without. There are only so many hypotheticals of magical application we can explore with words alone.”
