I confess, “I had a nightmare and I was afraid the wraiths were back. But it doesn’t seem like it. Merely some dark memories I still have yet to sacrifice to the void of the words of the old ones. Really must keep practicing my magic…” I laugh softly. “Now that I say it aloud, it sounds silly.”
What am I? A child scared of the dark? Running for their security blanket? And…what does it mean that Ilryth was the one I ran to?
“I don’t think it’s silly in the slightest.” He tilts his head to meet my eyes. “What was the nightmare about, if you want to share?”
He stares at me with earnest intensity. I can’t look away. My barriers fracture. My armor is peeled away. I have been working so hard, for so long…and what do any of those barriers matter now, anyway? Ilryth will never know my family or my friends. He will never tell them of my weakness. Of how burdensome I really can be.
“I dreamed you left.” The words are a quivering whisper and leave so much unsaid. They’re a lie. That’s not what I dreamt of. But it’s part of the truth of what made me come here—fear of being left behind. “I was afraid you went ahead without me—to the trench, to get my family’s silver.”
“Victoria…” He searches my face. I’m convinced he can see right through me and the idea terrifies me so much I can’t move. “Why would I leave without you?”
“Because I would just slow you down?” I shrug, trying to hide how heavy the words are on my shoulders. “Because I am little more than a burden?”
Ilryth slowly takes both of my hands. There’s no pretense about it. No tension. Nothing awkward or uncomfortable. The gesture is…one a close friend might give another.
“I wouldn’t leave you behind, ever. You’re too important for that.”
There’s so much more to this.
All my earlier thoughts. My hidden worries. The things I never explored with myself because I didn’t want to.
My stomach twists itself into a small knot, one I instantly work to undo.
I know this feeling. That small bubble of affection that clings to my insides and breeds more until, before I know it, I’m practically floating with the effervescence of infatuation. I will not let myself be taken in by a handsome smile and kind eyes. I cannot let my guard down around him or any other.
I lasted three years after Charles without succumbing to a handsome gaze. At this point, I’ll guard my heart until the day I die. I won’t ever allow it to be held carelessly again. And since I am already, quite literally, marked for death, I don’t think it will be hard to keep that vow.
“Because of my magic?” I say.
“Because…you’re you.” He quickly adds, “And I wouldn’t want to take from you the opportunity to protect your family.”
“Of course not.” We can pretend that’s all it is, that’s all that’s happening. I’ve yet to pull away, even knowing I should. This is not a “practical touch.”
“We’ll leave tomorrow, together; I gave you my word.” Ilryth’s fingers slowly glide against mine as he shifts his grip. I wonder if he knows what he’s doing—the affection he’s brewing. He can’t possibly, because if he did I’m sure he would stop. “So rest easy tonight, Victoria.”
“Thank you,” I say softly as he releases me. The seawater is cold against my fingers.
“Now, I am going back to sleep. You exhaust me.” The dry remark pops the little bubble of warmth that’d been floating up in me. My lips crack into a smile. How is he so effortlessly comforting, and also simultaneously baffling, with a dash of charming annoyance?
“I exhaust you?” I call after him as he swims away.
“Most definitely. You seem to require all my energy and attention these days; I can think of nothing else but you.”
I stare as he retreats into his room, drifting to the bed and settling once more in the nest he made without looking back at me. His tail curls up and around him, much like a cat’s. It’s oddly…adorable. I shake my head and banish the thought as I begin swimming back to my own room.
When I try to go back to sleep, the words,I can think of nothing else but you, float through my mind. Not in Charles’s harsh, demanding, or dark tones. But Ilryth’s deep and warm notes…as soothing as his hands on mine.
CHAPTER18
The restof the night is peaceful. No more nightmares haunt me.
I don’t quite sleep, but I’m not quite conscious either. I’ve noticed that I need sleep less, much like how I don’t eat any longer. The more I am marked by the old ones, the less I need to tend to my physical body. Still, my awareness slipped from me at some point in the night for long enough that when I stir and sense the presence of another hovering at my bedside, I’m so startled I spring from the spongy bed and shoot halfway across the room.
“You wound me with your reaction to my presence.” Ilryth folds his arms.
“You startled me! You cannot just come into my bedroom without warning.” I grab my chest. This man is going to be the cause of a third death pulling things like this.
“Why not? You didn’t seem to have a problem with sneaking into my room last night. I thought this was merely how you preferred to be greeted—a human custom I do not understand.” He’s fighting a smirk and I can’t tell if it is a result of my reaction or if he knows full well that this isn’t a human custom.
