I’d ask him if it will hurt. But I doubt he knows. No one has ever returned from the Abyss. I want to ask if he thinks I will be good enough, despite all my flaws and all my doubts. But I know, no matter what, he’ll say yes…because I’m the only option he has.
“Will you be there?” I don’t know why, out of all the questions I run through in my mind, that’s the one that escapes.
“Where?” He seems as surprised as I am.
“Will you come with me to the duchy? Will you stay with me to the end?”
Panic crosses his features. “Victoria, I—”
“Never mind,” I say hastily with a shake of my head and a forced, bitter smile. “I shouldn’t have asked.” In the end, no one will be there for me. But that’s all right. I’ve long since come to terms with that truth. Even Charles, the man who “bound his soul” to mine, left at the first chance he got.
“It’s not that—”
“I don’t want you to placate me. I’m fine,” I say gently, reaching out to pat his bicep. He catches my hand, sandwiching it in both of his.
Ilryth stares at me with breathtaking intensity. I couldn’t look away if I wanted to. “My mother, you see, she…”
“I know,” I say softly. He doesn’t need to say that she was the last sacrifice.
“You do?” His eyes widen. “Did Lucia or Fenny tell you?”
“No one needed to tell me. I put it together.” I give him a gentle smile. “That’s why I shouldn’t have asked.”
“You…”
“I’ll be all right.” I pull my hand from his as Lucia rounds the building. Ilryth isn’t surprised, but he does have a brief expression of frustration. I suspect he summoned her before the conversation shifted.
Lucia glances between us with confusion on her face. But she doesn’t question the tension in the air. If anything, she forces normality with a smile.
“Shall we begin tonight’s anointing, Your Holiness?”
“Yes,” Ilryth answers for me, drifting back. “We will ready ourselves in the morning.” He swims off without another word. I almost call after him, but I’ve nothing else to say. No reason to call him back other than…
Other than…
I want him to be here? But why? And why did I ask him that question? I fight a scowl. The answers are something I know I’ll have to search within for…though that’s an exploration I am not looking forward to.
“Let’s begin,” Lucia says, and she moves to my left ankle.
* * *
I wake with a start.Chest heaving. Smoothing hair from my face as it floats around my eyes.
Charles’s words are still in my ears.Did you see how relieved they were to let you go? Your family not having to be burdened with you any longer is a relief.
I’m not a burden.
But don’t worry, I don’t mind. I will gladly take you under my wing.
I’m not a burden, I insist to myself again, and again. I am strong. Capable. I am the best captain that there ever was in Tenvrath. I’ve sailed the seas. I’ve supported my family and my crew.
Because of me, the Eversea—and Tenvrath at that—will be saved. I will give my bones for it. A dream. It was just a dream. I try to calm myself. He is gone, nowhere to be found. I look around anyway. For him, or the wraith he might as well be manifested within.
It was a relief every time I left you, Lizzie.
I push myself off the bed, drifting through the water and out to my balcony. The night is quiet. There’s no singing. And yet, my heart is thunderous, as if the wraiths are coming for me and me alone. My toes brush against the sandy, shell-filled stone and I push off again. I swim over the estate in a hasty rush.
Moonbeams strike the sea floor, dancing across my balcony and casting everything in shades of silver and deep blue. They shift and move with the currents above. My shadow casts a striking contrast against the sand below.
