“I’ll keep that in mind.” Lucia shares a smile with me.
“Everyone but Victoria is dismissed.”
“Your Grace?” Lucia’s smile falls as she looks back to him.
“I’ll be all right. I can handle men like him,” I reassure her.
“I heard that,” Ilryth says dryly. I shoot him a challenging look with a shrug to convey how little I care that he did. His lips are slightly pursed, but the frustration doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He pierces me with his stare as Lucia and Sheel leave without objection, swimming out over his balcony.
I keep my stance relaxed, but don’t back down as I wait for him to say something. The sensation of unsaid words clouds the waters between us once more. They hum against me, even after the singing that reverberated across the manor stops.
Somehow, I feel like I win the unspoken debate when he relaxes, body slackening in the water. The tension evaporates when he averts his eyes. Yet, my guards don’t drop. Retreat can be its own war tactic.
“I’m sorry,” Ilryth murmurs.
“What?” The word is blurted with shock.
“Really?” He chuckles and shakes his head, still not looking at me. “You’re the kind of woman who’s going to make me say it again?”
“It’s not that, I—”
“I’m sorry, Victoria.” Ilryth returns his gaze to me. There’s the same fierceness of determination to him as before but, this time, it doesn’t feel combative. I don’t know how to react to a man apologizing so quickly. In my moment of surprise, he continues. “You were absolutely right, I shouldn’t have lashed out like that. It wasn’t your fault and Lucia was merely doing what she thought was best.”
I fold my arms. I’m not going to let him use forgiveness to catch me off guard. “You should apologize to Lucia as well.”
“I will.” He glances away again. “And I’m sorry as well that you had to witness…that.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shrug. Ilryth looks at me from the corner of his eye, skeptically. “All I remember is a bunch of bright light. Maybe some bubbles? Nothing else.”
He knows I’m lying. I don’t really care that he knows. I’m too busy asking myselfwhyI’m lying. I helped him to try and use it to my advantage. I’m not even making an effort to imply I want something in exchange for my kindness.
“Why?” he asks, the same question I’m asking myself.
A bitter chuckle rips through my mind, and I can’t stop the tired grin from splitting my lips as I shake my head. It’s my turn to avert my eyes.Because no one should have their darkest secrets held against them. Yet, I can’t bring myself to say that. It’d admit too much. If he hears anyway, he makes no indication. So, instead, I say, “Don’t ask or I might reconsider.”
“It’s not as if I’ve been particularly kind to you,” he’s quick to point out.
“No, you haven’t.”
“I’m going to sacrifice you to a god.”
“The reminder really isn’t necessary.” I glare at him.
“Why?”
“Are you always so insistent?” I snap.
“You’re not really one to talk.”
“Good Gods, man, and here I was trying to be kind to you.” I throw my arms up and drift back awkwardly.
“I didn’t ask for your kindness.” He has the audacity to glare at me.
“Oh,forgive mefor giving it to you then. Would you rather me tell you that I only did what I did because I was hoping to somehow use it to barter with you to get you to bring me back to my world?” And, yet, when I was in that strange place in his memories, the notion of doing that had completely vanished. All I see is that sad boy and tortured man.
“I suppose it’d make it easier to comprehend.” Even though I told him what he wanted, he doesn’t sound delighted at being right and now we’re both sulking. “But I already told you, Ican’tbring you back. If you were to leave the Eversea, you would begin fading, immediately. You’d have minutes,maybean hour. It’s too great a risk.”
The words feel like someone is physically ripping out the last places hope had attached to my bones.I can’t go back… Even if I could, I couldn’t do anything. My back curls and I am aware of just how weightless I am. The want to breathe chokes me again. But there’s no air. My chest rises and falls, but I don’t feel water. I don’t feel air. I’m not the woman I was.More magic than flesh… I’ll never be her again.
