Lucia eases away, gaze darting between my arm and my face. “Such a monumental thing would impact them… But I know my brother’s song.” She sighs. “I can hear it in you, now.”
What does that mean?My heart skips a beat and stops, as if it can’t decide between joy and breaking. Ilryth’s song is a part of me now, written on my soul. What does that mean for him when I depart this mortal realm? What will it mean for me?
“Will other people be able to tell?” I focus on keeping him as safe as I’m able, despite the risks we’ve chosen to take.
“Likely not,” she reluctantly admits. “I suspect I can because I’ve seen almost your entire anointing and know the song of your soul well, and my brother’s better.”
That gives me hope. “And has the anointing been damaged?”
“Not that I can see.” A relief. “But itcouldbe if you were to persist. You both are doing a dangerous thing. Connecting in this way could jeopardize you being able to properly descend into the Abyss and stand before Lord Krokan. You are forming more ties to this world.” She looks up at me, brow furrowed with worry.
“We know the risks,” I say, trying to infuse some of my calmness into her with my tone. The monster of guilt for our decisions tries to rear its head again. But I refuse to allow it to get a hold of me. There’s no going back now. “I understand your worry, we both do, but we have it under control.”
She sighs and drifts away, leaning against a column and staring out at the Abyss.
“Lucia—”
“Our mother…she gaveeverythingto try and quell Lord Krokan’s rage. It wasn’t enough and Ilryth has always blamed himself for rendering her sacrifice ‘meaningless.’ He saw it as his fault that she was still too tied to this land to properly descend.” Lucia’s stare is a thousand leagues long, as though she is trying to pierce the Veil that separates this world from the next and see her mother one more time. “Fenny and I had to sit by and watch as the weight of his duty slowly dawned on him. As he lost the opportunity to mourn our mother’s passing by holding onto her.
“Now, he’s taking the same risk all over again.” She twists slightly to look at me. Her wounded stare is sharper than any dagger and it finds a soft spot between my ribs. “You will kill him.”
“No, I won’t,” I say fiercely. “I would not let any harm befall him.”
“You will begone,” she says curtly. “And if the guilt of you failing as an offering doesn’t put him over the edge, the weight of loss will. Just like it did my father.”
I swim over with a shake of my head. “Ilryth doesn’t love me like your father loved your mother.” She stares at me blankly. “He doesn’t,” I insist again. “I’ve ensured it.”
“If you’ve ‘ensured it’ then why can I hear the harmony of his soul’s song mixed with yours?” Lucia’s eyes are filled with steely determination. It’s the look I’d give anyone who would even dare think of bringing harm to Emily. Before I can answer, she continues, “Tell me why I shouldn’t report you both to the chorus.”
The words are as cold as ice and freeze me in place. “Because I give you my word that—”
“Your word?” There’s judgment in those two words that runs a shiver down my spine. In them, I hear all of those in Dennow calling me an insult I no longer understand:Oath breaker.
Why did they call me that?I can’t remember and the jab is unfair and cruel.
“You gave us your word—gavehimyour word you would be dedicated to the anointing if he helped your family,” she says.
“And I am dedicated, with all my being.”
“Not if you do things that compromise your very goal!” she snaps. I rear back.
“Lucia…please,” I say softly. “It was a moment of passion, nothing more.” It is odd to lie while trying to defend my integrity. But the most important thing, out of any of it, is ensuring Ilryth doesn’t suffer for what we did. “I don’t love him. He knows it.” The words are uneasy as a lie. I just hope they don’t sound like it, too.
“Does he?” Lucia asks skeptically.
“He does. I told him outright before…anything happened.” This discussion is made deeply uncomfortable by having it with his sister. But I press on. “Please. I wanted to indulge in a bodily pleasure before I died—scratch an itch, as it were. If anything, it helped sever a bond more than build one. I have no lingering wants.”
Lucia continues to regard me warily. With a sigh and a flap of her tail, she sits on the edge of my bed and stares out once more at the Abyss. Her elbows rest on the curve of her tail. Chin in her hands.
“I hate this.” The words are honest and raw. “I hate that the first time I’ve seen my brother genuinely happy in six long years is with a human who’s marked for death.”
“I’m sorry.” I swim over and settle into place next to her. “Ilryth’s a good man…he deserves all the happiness in the world. And I’m sorry I can’t be the one to give it to him.”
“He’ll survive. Fenny and I will make sure he does. Just, please don’t make it harder on us than it already will be.” The plea is desperate and broken.
“I won’t.” I’m torn in two. Between what I want, and what I must do. Between my oaths and obligations and a man that I never asked for, or even thought I wanted. “He’ll be all right, though. I’m sure of it. He has both of you.” Fenny and Lucia have held the Duchy of Spears together for a long time, I think.
“When he actually listens to us.” She sighs and pushes off the bed, halting mid-drift. With her back to me, she says, “I’m not going to tell Ventris.”
