“I will be forced to watch it for you.” His eyes dip to my lips with sensual intent. I grip him a little tighter, fighting the urge to kiss him. Could I? Now that we’ve crossed that threshold, am I free to walk it whenever I please?
“Don’t tempt me, Your Grace.”
“Perhaps tempting you is exactly why I brought you to this secluded place.”
My throat is thick and the sun is suddenly too hot and my skin a size too small. I clutch onto him tighter, feeling his body move alongside mine. Ilryth chuckles as though he knows—he must know—what he’s doing to me.
“First, we shall go pay our respects to Lady Lellia. Then, perhaps, I shall worship at the altar of your hips, should you be willing to have me.”
CHAPTER33
The air is suddenly very,veryhot.
“I’m going to drop you if you keep talking like that.” Despite what I say, I clutch him even tighter.
“Have I offended?” He looks genuinely concerned.
“Hardly. You’ve made my own knees weak.”
Ilryth gently strokes my shoulder. The swirling of his thumb is so distracting I almost forget how to walk. “Good. I prefer my women primed and eager.”Oh yes, the man knowsexactlywhat he’s doing to me and I daresay I like it.
“And just how many women have you had?” I think of our conversation last night. He hadn’t exactly denied that he’d been with women, just that it had never been serious. But what “serious” means to each person can vary wildly.
“A gentleman doesn’t tell.” He gives a small wink and even that is somehow sensual. “However, I’ll assure you I’ve had enough experience that I won’t leave you disappointed. Yet, not enough experience that you’ll have to worry about any jilted lovers coming after you.”
I hum. If this is the game he’s playing then I shall be coy right back. “Last night begs to differ.”
“Excuse me?”
“Well, I can’t speak to jilted lovers, but you were going to leave me unsatisfied after spending an entire day with me.”
“Ah, but, as I said, I am a gentleman, after all… I would not presume to know your desires if not told. We spent the daytalking. A gentleman doesn’t assume a woman desires him in the carnal sense just because she spent some friendly time alone with him.” He sweeps wet hair away from where it clings, running his fingers lightly over the mark he left on my shoulder with his kisses. Ilryth seems to be finding his land legs just fine now that he has something else to focus on. Even though he’d probably have no trouble if I let him go, I’m not quite ready to. “So let’s remove all doubt. Why don’t you tell me: what do you desire, Victoria?”
A weak smile crosses my lips as I stare up at the Lifetree and its mighty branches. “It’s hard to have desires as I am now…with only two months left to live.”
His embrace tightens as stillness overtakes him. His body becomes heavy with the truth we both willingly ignore. I almost want to ask what has him so melancholy, but I resist. I know what has overcome him—the truth is like an anchor, pulling us both down. Ignoring it is impossible, no matter how much we might want to. It’s a reminder of the obvious—we would be so much better off resisting these forbidden indulgences.
Yet I can’t bring myself to move away. I don’t want to. With every step the crunching sand whispers,damn my heart and damn his.
I am selfish and impulsive. Clearly, in all my years, I never learned how not to be. Too much of the life I can still remember can be summarized with:Everyone warned her that what she was doing was a bad idea, but she did it anyway.
Ilryth slows his pace. “Perhaps because you have such precious little time, it is ever more important to make the most of it.” He looks me in the eyes. “You were reckless last night. Be reckless again.”
If he’s giving me permission… My hand glides across the contours of his back, down his strong forearm, to where my fingers interlace with his. Neither of us is ready to move away from the other. “I yearn for the freedom to desire whomever I please. To live with reckless abandon. I’ve allowed my entire life to be wrapped up in this fear that if I didn’t fulfill others’ expectations of me that I would be unworthy of their affection and loyalty. Even in death, I’ll be offered as a sacrifice for the greater good.
“So for however much time is left between now, and then…” We slow to a stop. I look him in the eyes and take his other hand in mine, turning them both over, feeling the many calluses left behind by years of carrying his spear into battle. Tracing my thumbs over the lines that trail up his arms. Savoring how the barest caress sends shivers. “I want you, Ilryth. I want to feel you. Be with you. I want your hands and lips to ease away my worries and pains left by others.”
“I would be lying if I said the desire wasn’t mutual.”
Are there any better combination of words than hearing that you’re wanted? Than knowing a person you desire, desires you in return? My heart swells against my ribs. Breath catches. But I hold it. There’s a but here.
“But”—there it is—“like you, I must also look after the people I care for. Those whom I would give everything to. I must be mindful of your tethers to this world.”
“I can indulge in the flesh without love or meaning tied to it.” If it’s not true now, I will make it true before I am offered up. The last thing I want is for whatever is blooming between us to wither on the vine. For him to pull away and me not be able to catch him ever again.
His face is a guarded mix of emotions. He glances between our hands, still interlocked, and my face. His chin dips slightly. “Are you sure?”
“I won’t risk your people or the vows you made to them, or my family’s lives, for a tryst in the sheets.” I can promise that much. Even if it costs me my heart, I can walk away. I’ve done it before.
