“I finished it in a night.” Alyss had never gone more than a week without some new book of love triumphing over all.
“I wish that life could be as clear-cut as one of your novels, Alyss,” Eira mused softly. But nothing was simple, and it only became more complex by the hour.
“Don’t we all?” Noelle sighed then added with a small laugh, “If only you could write our endings.”
Alyss chuckled as she nodded in Noelle’s direction.
“If you could story our lives, then, we could know who the good men are before daring to involve ourselves with them.” Eira gave her friend a knowing and weary smile. Noelle returned it in kind.
“Not knowing is part of the adventure—part of the romance itself. Love is something blossoming where there was nothing. The excitement of not knowing the ending and daring to turn the page,” Alyss said.
“That unknown and excitement can be for someone else, I’m done with romance.” Eira folded her arms.
“Don’t say that.” Alyss nudged her in time with the rocking of the carriage. “I saw how happy he made you.”
“Adam. Ferro. Cullen.” Eira counted the names on her fingers. “Tricked me in a cruel way. Tried to kill me. Turned out to be disgustingly spineless. I don’t have the best track record with men. I should probably stop while I’m ahead…and I’m already behind.”
“You’re being too hard on yourself.” Alyss frowned slightly.
“I think I’m being the right amount of hard on myself.” Eira shook her head. “I’m done rushing into love…I’m focusing on the tournament and keeping us alive.”And killing Ulvarth.
Alyss looked to Noelle. The latter just shrugged and hooked a finger lightly on the curtains to lift them slightly and glance out. Alyss sighed and focused back on Eira when it was clear she had no support.
“Focusing on yourself isn’t a bad thing,” Alyss said softly. “Neither is trying to be more careful in the future, or learning from your previous slights. But you know what else isn’t bad?”
“All right, I’ll bite; what?”
“Loving. Opening your heart. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable,” Alyss said thoughtfully. Even Noelle was focusing on her now. “Allowing yourself to be in a place where you can love is worth celebrating. Where you can give your heart to someone. A place that is ready to accept another wholly, and to be vulnerable with them. That is one of the most powerful things we can do. Even if it hasn’t gone right yet for you, I know it will someday.”
“I still think I’m done with it for a bit,” Eira insisted.
“You need to recover, that’s fair,” Alyss relented. “But don’t say you’re done completely. You don’tneeda man, or a woman, or anyone. However, from what I’ve seen, you like the companionship of others. I think you’ve spent so much time in your life feeling on the outs, wanting, desperately, to be loved…that it felt too good when you had that companionship for you to give it up forever.”
Eira considered it a moment and shrugged slightly, taking her friend’s hand. Examining herself too closely stung. And it sounded even worse to think she was a sad girl, ready to run to anyone who would accept her. How, even after all this time, all she wanted was to know she was loved. “You always have a unique perspective; I appreciate it.”
“I hope you really mean that.” Alyss met her eyes. “Because I’m serious.”
“I know you are.”
“Good.” Alyss squeezed her fingers.
“You’re very astute, you know that?”
“See, something good has come from all my love stories.” Alyss smiled.
The conversation lulled to silence as the carriage continued plodding along.
Even though Eira had, admittedly, been trying to brush off the good intentions of her friend, the words lingered with her. They chafed against what her common sense said. Part of her chastised herself for being so foolish. For making the same mistakes again and again. A different corner of her couldn’t help but wonder if that was part of life, or love.
How many errors did most people make before they knew what was right for them? How much grace would others allow her, or should she allow herself?
Eira bit back a sigh and kept her wonderings and fears to herself. She didn’t want her friends to see this turmoil. Even if she was opening up to them, they still needed her to be strong. Plus, there wasn’t anything more they could do for her. She savored the silence and lingered in her thoughts as the colors and lights behind the drawn curtains shifted as they carried on through the cities. Even if being vulnerable was a good trait overall, she had it in excess. And excess of anything was bad.
Despite herself, she returned to Alyss’s assessment of her. She was probably right about Eira enjoying the affections of someone else. Of course Alyss was; she knew Eira better than anyone. But that desperation had worked against Eira.
She’d be more careful the next time she opened her heart. She had to move carefully—with purpose and thought—to thwart Ulvarth. The same was needed in matters of love. If she was going to love again, she would do so on her terms. When, hopefully, the emotions on her inside matched the calm aura she tried to project outside.
When the sunlight burned through their curtains more often than shadow, Alyss took a chance at sneaking a peek for all of them. Sure enough, the buildings of Risen that had cut up the sun were gone. Confident they were clear of the city, Noelle and Alyss threw open the curtains.
