“You must,” she said firmly and calmly as she stepped backward. Working themselves into a frenzy would only hurt them further. They had to keep thinking with their heads and not their hearts. “It only took a minute for Olivin to work you into a fit. You weren’t thinking.”
Cullen looked away.
Eira persisted. Her words were gentle, but left no room for questioning. “What if Lavette had been there? Or your father?”
“I can manage them.”
She resisted the urge to point out, again, that he’d yet to manage his father so far. “What if there was a Pillar?”
That drew his attention back to her. “What do you mean?”
“What if a Pillar was trying to put you off guard? They would’ve succeeded. What if a Pillar wanted to use me against you?”
“That is not something to jest about.”
“I’m not. We kept our relationship a secret not just because of your father. But because the Pillarswillfind weaknesses, and when they do, they will exploit them. They will hurt people because it suits them. We can’t give the Pillars that strength over us. We have to be willing to make any sacrifices necessary to win.”
“I can’t… I won’t ever sacrifice you,” he whispered.
“I know.” Eira sighed. He never would. Perhaps this was his selfish lordling coming out—the man who was so accustomed to getting what he wanted. Who wanted to find a way to have his bride, avoid upsetting his father, and keep Eira as well. “That’s why I’m letting you go first.”
“It’s not fair.”
“The world doesn’t concern itself with what’s ‘fair’ and neither should we. So you have to move past it—move past us. I am. Hour by hour, day by day, this will get easier.” If she said it enough times, it’d come true.
“Eira…” He took her hand in his.
She ripped it from him. “I don’t want you anymore, Cullen,” Eira said sharply. She’d been trying gentle and that didn’t seem to get through to him. Now it was time for the tough love. No matter how badly it hurt them both. “Your affections are undesired and continuing to cast them my way is an offense to my wishes.”
He opened and closed his mouth, but no words came.
“Am I clear?” Eira said firmly.
“Yes.”
“Good.” Eira brushed past him, giving up on heading upstairs and going back to the front door instead. She was grateful he didn’t stop her. If he had…she wasn’t sure whether she would’ve screamed at him, or kissed him.
Likely both.
12
The hurt in her chest grew with every step she took away from Cullen. She took in a gulp of air when she was outside. The last bit of daylight was leaving the sky, giving way to a starry night. The day was drawing to a close and shestilldidn’t even know how the first game had ended. Which was partly her fault for leaving early. But it was easier in the moment to blame Olivin and Cullen for not simply telling her.
Men. Eira shook her head. Maybe she should have let the draconi actually rip out her heart. She would’ve been doing Eira a favor.
Getting distracted by Olivin and Cullen was something she wouldn’t linger on further. She had to keep focused on the tournament and the Pillars. Now that she had a spare moment, a first good step toward that would be cataloging the village.
She started to the right.
Overtop the door of the house next to theirs was a green, blue, and white checkered shield—the signet of the Republic of Qwint. Across from them, and diagonally to the right from Solaris, was the Twilight Kingdom. To the left of the Twilight Kingdom and directly across from Solaris looked like theDraconi, if the shield with a dragon was anything to go off of. That meant that to the left of Solaris was Meru. Finally, there was the common house the attendant had mentioned when they’d first arrived, across from Meru—void of any sigil over the door.
That was the building Eira headed for. She couldn’t imagine where else Noelle and Alyss might be. Plus, even though there was still a hollowness in her heart, an emptiness in her stomach was beginning to form. Fortunately, food was a much simpler solution.
The common building was a bit larger than the rest of them. However, it was still a perfect box, no eaves or points and every side completely flat. Music and conversation were muffled by the heavy double doors at the entrance. Eira didn’t feel much for any groups or celebration at the moment. But the smell of freshly baked bread drew her within.
The first floor reminded Eira of a tavern. Multiple square tables were set up around beams that supported the second floor. In the back was a bar that looked like it doubled as a kitchen, since that was where food was set out. Eira hardly had time to assess who was present, drawn by the scent to a loaf of bread and blackberry jam.
“Dinner will be served in about an hour,” the attendant said. “Can I get you water or ale to wash that down with?”
