“You know how hard this is,” I snap.
“Hard for us both!” He throws his hands in the air. “I was born to hate you.”
“As was I.”
“But do you love me despite that? Do you love me as I love you? You’re demanding all this of me and yet you still have not told me how you truly feel.”
I purse my lips and inhale slowly. I’m too mad to think rationally. Because all I can think of is him pushing me aside. Him revering a king who he believes looked at humans as little more than test subjects. Him saying he believes in my dreams and then his actions directly contradicting it.
“Is that my answer, then?” He chuckles darkly and shakes his head.
“Ruvan—”
He speaks over me, words bitter and harsh. “What does it matter? Fine, then, your answer is no and mine is as well. You wouldn’t be my bloodsworn because the vampir wouldneveraccept a human as their queen. Especially not one that is a descendant of those who cursed us.”
We stare at each other, words ringing in our ears. I can still feel his magic in me from the night before, filling the hollow left behind by his body. A void that will never be filled again. Who knew there were so many ways to sink into darkness?
“All right, then. Glad we could clear that up before I convinced myself this was real.” I turn to leave.
He curses under his breath. “Floriane, where are you going?”
“Anywhere but here.”
“Don’t leave. We should talk—”
“Don’t,” I hiss as he starts up the stairs. “Don’t follow me. I want to be alone.”
“We should talk this out,” he finishes his sentence with purpose. “We’re both…” He rubs his temples. “A lot has happened, emotions are high, and we’re both being foolish.”
“You don’t think I know that?” I glare at him. But my anger softens some. I sigh. Why is this all so difficult? How can I care for someone so deeply and yet they wound me in equal measure? “You’re right, we need to talk. But first, I need some time alone, please. We’ll talk when I’m not so cross and can think clearly.”
“We should talk now.”
“I don’t want to talk to you now,” I say firmly. “Give me some space, let me clear my head, and we’ll sort this out later.”
As I leave this final time, no footsteps follow.
CHAPTER39
I standat the precipice of the tower, at the top of the stairs, before the broken wall that leads to the beam to traverse back to the western wing of the castle. Wind and snow batter my face, freezing my tears to my eyelashes.
He didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it.Wedidn’t mean any of it. That’s what my heart tells me. We’re both navigating something new and complex, something neither of us have a primer on how to handle.
Moreover, I know how hard it is to have truths you hold so dearly they’re sacred be questioned. It’s hard. Scary, even. Ruvan is a good man and he’ll come to his better senses. He’ll believe me.
Or he won’t. That’s an uglier part of me speaking now. A weaker voice, that I thought I killed but was resuscitated by Ruvan’s actions.None of what’s happening between you two will matter once the curse is broken.
Was last night an exploration for us both that culminated into nothing more? Was it mere satiation? Will it mean anything when all this is over?
Or was our lovemaking the consummation of a genuine marriage?
I look back over my shoulder and into the gloom that lives in these empty, haunted halls. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I should stay and we should talk further. But the mere idea of going back there has panic worming up my throat. I imagine him digging in further. Neither of us is in a good enough place right now to talk productively. I’m going to need more proof if I want him to listen to me, which means I’m going to have to figure this out on my own.
Sighing, I turn back to the frigid air howling in the night.
Drew might be wrong about Ruvan’s and my future, but he wasn’t wrong about me being different now. I have the magic of the vampir within me—Ruvan’s magic strengthens me, protects me even when he’s far.
I leap into the air and land with confidence on the beam.
