“It would’ve been good for you.”
“I didn’t have a choice in being there—the hamlet or the smithy.” I’m trying to figure out what my brother is hoping to achieve with this line of thought. “You know my circumstances as well as I do.”
“And I wished they were different for you and me at every turn.” He shakes his head. “You have to know that was one of my reasons for teaching you how to fight.”
“You were teaching me so I could protect Mother and myself.”
“True. But there was a part of me that hoped you would see how much more you could be. There’s more to you, Floriane, than a talented blacksmith. Maybe I wanted you to have the strength to fight back against your circumstances when you were ready.”
This line of thought, his words…it all feels like I’ve swallowed live worms. They squirm uncomfortably within me and make me feel sick. What he’s saying isn’t wrong. I know it’s not. In fact, it’s how close it is to the conclusions I ultimately drew that makes me all the more discomfited.
“That was my destiny. I couldn’t change it. Until…” My voice trails off. I look to the giant maw of the forge. I can see Ruvan leaning against one of the tables by it, my quiet and steady companion while I work. “Until I finally did realize that destiny is like metal—seemingly unbendable until you put it under heat and pressure. You can forge it into the shape you want.”
Drew smiles, genuine and sad. I know his sorrow. For the first time, our paths aren’t perfectly aligned. We’re not enemies, but we’re no longer at each other’s sides. Shoulder to shoulder, marching forth. We’re each working toward the same thing, but now truly in our own ways.
“And I see in reshaping your destiny you’ve found yourself more willing to attract the eye of a suitor.”
I swallow thickly. The uncomfortable sensation in my gut gets worse. “I don’t have a suitor.”
“Are you sure?” Drew arches his eyebrows. I manage a nod. “Does the vampir lord know that?”
“We’re not—I’m not—It’s not like—The bloodsworn is—” How do I explain something I’ve barely managed to come to terms with? No matter how much I’ve been able to silence the insecurities that have been engrained in me within my own mind, I’m not ready to face Drew’s assessment.
“You were always an awful liar, Flor.” Drew pushes away from the table. He crosses to look up at me, right in the eye. There’s no escaping his disapproval.
Suddenly, I’m a girl again. “Don’t tell Mother,” I squeak.
Drew erupts with laughter so hard he has to step away. A scarlet flush races across my cheeks. I’m certain I’m redder than embers right now.
“Oh, Flor, out of all the things—you think I’d tell Mother?” He shakes his head. “Why would I tell her when there’s nothing to say.”
“Nothing to say?” I repeat softly.
“It’s not as if this infatuation will go anywhere.” Drew wounds me more deeply than he realizes. “Once the curse is broken, you’ll come back to Hunter’s Hamlet. Maybe we can go on one of those trips to the sea we always talked about as children. We’ll finally be able to leave.”
The writhing of my innards has stopped and now everything is painfully still. It hurts to breathe. My fingers are numb.
The coast… We’ll go to the coast someday. The promises we made as children when we didn’t understand the world. But they could soon be a reality. I would be free of Hunter’s Hamlet and the vampir, once and for all. I could go anywhere I wanted. I should be happy. Why am I sinking deeper into the void within me?
“What is it?” He senses my displeasure.
“I thought you’d be more disappointed in me with all I’ve done.” I can’t outright lie to Drew, so I focus on a half-truth instead. I don’t know why I hurt both at the idea of being something to Ruvanandof being nothing to Ruvan.
“I think Ishouldbe.” He sighs and puts his hands on his hips. The movement is awkward. He was expecting the holsters of sickles when there are none. I’ll be sure to fix that before he goes back to the Natural World. “I think I should feel and have opinions on a lot of things I can’t seem to make heads or tails of right now. Everything is happening so quickly. Perhaps that’s in your favor, Flor. I’m going along with things as they come.” He shrugs. “We’ll sort it out when all this is over, and the Raven Man is dead.”
I wonder if he’s also sinking into the abyss, allowing everything else to be carried away from him to a distant place where it won’t hurt so much. I don’t voice my suspicions. Some things are better left unsaid.
“I won’t bite into gifted gold,” I say.
“Just promise me one thing.” Drew grabs my hand. “Be careful.”
I nod. “I’ve been trying, as much as I can be.”
“These vampir might be on our side for now. But they’re still vampir and you are still human. When this is over, have your silver ready. Have your fun experimenting with your new freedoms here, learn all you can from them, but never forget that there may come a time where, yours or theirs, a throat will be cut.”
CHAPTER37
Thankfully,the conversations Drew and I have the rest of the day are on lighter, easier topics. I never figure out a good response to what he said. How do I tell my brother he’s wrong when it took me weeks to accept the vampir weren’t what we thought? What will his reaction be when he finds out the truth of my connection with Ruvan?
