“What do I do if the Pillars come to me again?” Eira asked, barely resisting adding that they were already in the manor. No matter how much the Court of Shadows wanted to be rid of her, and the Pillars loathed her, both needed her for different reasons. Until one of them was ended by the other, she was going to be stuck between.
“If you stay where you’re supposed to be, the Pillars won’t be able to get to you,” Deneya said curtly.
“I was where I was supposed to be when Ferro cornered me,” Eira countered. “‘Where I’m supposed to be’ is in a den previously owned by the Pillars that I think theyhave infiltrated. I think Yewin is still in that house.”
“Yewin was likely a victim,” Lorn said on Deneya’s behalf. “Ulvarth was no doubt using her as he does everyone else. ‘Died in childbirth.’ I would place my bet on Ulvarth killing her to keep her quiet.”
Deneya gave Lorn an approving nod.
Eira stopped herself from objecting further. No one was listening to her. What did it matter?
“I will be personally in charge of looking after the manor from here on. You’ll be safe under my watchful gaze,” Rebec said with a thin smile that made it clear she wasn’t just watching the people outside the manor, but the people within—she was watchingthem.
“We will make sure there’s no more incidents and no more opportunities for Ferro to get to you. You’ll take the plaster we took from the Archives to the ball and deliver it to him as you promised. That will lure him—and hopefully a vast majority of Pillars—out into the open and the Court of Shadows will take it from there.”
“And at the ball—” Eira started.
“I said that was all you needed to worry about.” Deneya’s whispering tones had become as sharp as daggers. “There is no ‘we.’ You are not one of us. You’ve never been. You don’t have the slightest aptitude toward being a shadow.”
The words wounded deeper than Eira had been prepared for.Not one of us. Yet again. She didn’t belong. Not here. Not anywhere. She’d never be a part of a group because every time she tried she did something that endangered those around her.
Invisible waters were rising around her. She felt herself sinking, deeper and deeper, but did nothing to stop her descent. Why had she tried? Why had she dared? What good had her attempts done for anyone?
A ghostly face in the darkness of the magic within her was her reminder of why she was fighting—Marcus.
“Do you understand?” Deneya’s question demanded a response.
“I’ll do as you command.” Eira bowed her head. “I’ll stay put.”
“Good. Ducot will serve as our between—”
“Ducot?” Noelle said in surprise. Deneya ignored the interjection.
“—for any messages that need to come from the Court of Shadows. After the ball and all this ugliness involving the Pillars is resolved, you are no longer needed. I strongly recommend never eventhinkingof us again.” Deneya allowed her words to sink in during a long stretch of silence before ending with, “Rebec, get them out of my sight.”
29
“It’s not your fault,” Alyss tried to console Eira as they walked up the stairs in the safe house. Noelle flanked Eira’s other side. Rebec had dropped them back long after everyone else had gone to bed. She said they were going to have a report of them being returned in the night by guards after they were cleared of the incident in the Archives.
By the time the sun rose, everything would be “as it should be.” And they were to act like good automatons, not stepping out of the lines Deneya drew for them.
“No, it is.” Eira sighed and shook her head. “I keep acting like my actions only affect myself. As though I’m the only one with skin in this game. And because of that I’ve put so many people in danger. You two included.”
“I don’t feel like I’m in that much danger.” Noelle shrugged. How the woman could be so blasé about whatever the world threw her way was a trait Eira was beginning to both fear and revere. Eira knew she never wanted to find out what could bring her down.
“I’m glad you don’t.” Eira meant it. If her friends could sleep well at night, she didn’t want to take that from them. They didn’t have to live with the nightmarish memories of the Pillars and the pit haunting their every waking moment.
“You only acted rashly once,” Alyss pointed out. “You can’t be faulted for what you did today.” But they all knew Deneya already had. “Running from Ferro, getting some space, defending yourself in the Archives, any of us would’ve done the same.”
Eira shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. All that matters is the Pillars are ultimately brought to justice. If the court can do that without me, then that’s fine.” Though her opinion of the court was diminishing by the hour.
“It’ll happen, I’m sure of it.” Noelle’s hand landed on the door to the Solaris chambers. “Now, it’s been a long day. If you’re all right…”
“I’m fine. Go to bed.” Eira squeezed both her friends.
“Want to come with me?” Alyss asked as Noelle opened the door. “You don’t have to be alone if you don’t want to.”
“Maybe… But I think I’m going to see if Cullen—”
