“I would never let any of you take the fall for my actions,” Eira said, mostly to her peers sitting behind Mister Levit. Alyss and Cullen shared a worried expression, but Noelle didn’t seem bothered in the slightest; she wore an amused grin.
“That might not be your choice and, moreover—” Levit rested his hands on her shoulders, his face was twisted with worry “—you could’ve risked yourlife, Eira.”
“My life was at risk the moment Ferro attacked me. It was at risk the moment he escaped.” She jerked away from her teacher and mentor. “I thought it was him in the courtyard.” Her hands were shaking, voice trembling. “I thought I was chasing Ferro. I thought I could capture the man who murdered my brother!”
Her voice seemed to echo in the silence that followed.
Levit’s expression softened. “Eira,” he started.
“I wanted… I wanted…” Her shoulders tightened at the words she was holding back.I wanted to kill him. She had wanted to make him pay. She had felt every dark emotion that the incident three years ago had unearthed, in triplicate.I’m not a murderer, a voice in her whispered, weaker than she’d like. “I want to be alone.”
Eira brushed past Levit and this time he didn’t stop her. She slipped into her room, closing the door with a sigh. Eira didn’t even make it to her bed before her legs gave out and her knees hit the floor. She curled in on herself, burying her face in her hands, drawing gasping breaths.
If it had been Ferro, what would she have done to him? How far would she have gone to try and rattle the restless, relentless need for blood as payment for Marcus’s life?
A soft knock jolted her from her thoughts. Eira turned as the door was eased open despite her silence. Alyss stepped in.
“I know you said you wanted to be alone but—”
“Get out, Alyss.” Eira didn’t even look at her friend.
“I don’t think—”
“Get out!” Eira shouted.
Alyss didn’t put up a fight and left.
Eira stayed on the floor until the shadows were long and the light had turned to gold. Her body ached from the hunched position she sat in. Her legs had gone numb. But Eira couldn’t find the strength to move.
Over and over she replayed the Swords’ looks of horror as she slowly released her frosty hold on her captive. She heard their whispers as they brought her back to the manor, all surrounding the name,Adela. Over and over she repeated the words she’d heard so clearly in her mind, so full of malice and vengeance—words spoken by a girl abandoned on a cold night, who knew only of the world’s brutality and harshness.
If it had been Ferro… Would she have really been able to kill him? If she had, would she have felt guilty? How ghastly would her actions have been?
Deep down, was she the murderer half of Solaris had seen her as for years?
She didn’t have answers to those questions and that shook her to her core. Was she any better than Ferro if she could act with such callous disregard for life? Did it make any difference that he was the one to kill Marcus? Or would she be a murderer, through and through, if she chased this goal relentlessly?
Every time she began to feel guilty for thinking of Ferro’s death, Marcus’s face, cold and lifeless, flashed before her eyes, steeling her resolve into something harder and colder than any ice she could ever make. By the time there was a soft knock on her door, almost all the light had left the sky.
Eira opened the door and found herself face-to-face with Ducot.
“Let’s go.” His expression was unreadable.
She merely nodded, and followed him back to the Court of Shadows in silence.
The court had a different atmosphere this evening. There were fewer people, for starters. But the shadows who were there regarded her with closed-off gazes. If they did show emotion, it was a wariness and skepticism.
Every stare wordlessly told Eira what they thought of her actions today. But if she had any doubt as to the court’s general disapproval, it was put to rest the moment she entered the Specter’s chambers.
“Eira, as requested,” Ducot announced. The three Specters looked up from the center table.
“Close the door,” Deneya commanded. Ducot did as he was told and Eira hovered, waiting for whatever judgment they wanted to reap on her. Deneya’s attention finally landed on Eira. “Well?”
“Here.” Eira crossed and dropped the parcel Taavin gave her. “I brought what you asked.”
“You did a lot more than that,” Rebec half snarled. “You want to be a shadow, but at the first possible moment you run headfirst into danger, put all the attention on yourself, and risk your whole operation.”
“I had it under control.”
