Safely back in her room, Vi settled her bed into place before sitting on it heavily. She rubbed her eyes with both her palms. It felt like forever since she’d last had a good night’s rest. But it would wait a bit longer.
“Narro hath hoolo.”
Taavin appeared before her, and Vi dragged her eyes up from the toe of his boots to the top of his head, eventually landing her attention on his eyes. He stared down at her; whatever he saw softened his expression.
“You were supposed to be sleeping.”
“I know.” Vi shook her head and closed her eyes. She couldn’t handle the guilt of all she’d been hiding from him. Summoning him had been a bad idea.
“What happened?” he asked softly.
“A lot,” Vi whispered.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
Vi looked up at him and let out a bitter laugh. “I thought I had to tell you everything.”
“You should… But I hope you do it because you want to—because you want to save the world. And because you want to confide in me. I can do little else for you right now beyond lending an ear.”
“You do more than you know and I don’t deserve it.” Vi took his hand in hers and hung her head. She’d trudged through a long dark night; she felt like the sun would never rise again.
“You do.”
“I don’t, because I’ve lied to you. I’ve deceived you.”
“I know.”
Of course he did. Two words had never been more heartbreaking. “Because I always lie to you at this point?”
“No, Vi, because I know you.” Taavin knelt before her. “Because I can see it in your eyes.”
“Taavin, I didn’t—I don’twant to hurt you.” She squeezed his hand. “Somehow I had to balance that with doing what I felt was right.”
“I’m fine, Vi. I’ve endured worse.” His grim nature about the fact put a stone in her throat. “I’m more worried about you.”
“For the future of this world?”
“For your own sanity,” he said gently, covering her hand with his. “I love you just as you are and I want you to be open with me about everything.”
“My recklessness included?”
“Your damnable recklessness that might just save our world included.” The corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile that was far too endearing for their discussion.
Vi swallowed the lump in her throat and took a slow breath. She wanted to take him into her arms. She wanted him to kiss her until she knew or wanted nothing else.
But she couldn’t. Not until he knew everything she had done and still wanted to kiss her after.
“You were right, I wanted to save Fiera. I still do. I want to save her, Zira, everyone else I can,andthis world. When I saw the vision of my brother… I knew I had to be bolder. If I was to make this the last time for all of us, I had to do something I’d never done before. And I knew you would say no. So I didn’t ask…” Vi proceeded to tell him of the past few days. She told him of the long, dull nights watching Twintle’s warehouse. She told him of the Knights seeing her, of her fleeing, and giving Zira the sword.
When she finished, Taavin merely continued to stare at her, holding onto her hands tighter than she had clutched the Sword of Jadar before giving it to Zira. But Vi couldn’t tell if it was in anger, worry, compassion, or some likely mix of all three.
“Tell me I haven’t done the wrong thing,” she whispered, her voice hoarse.
“You have never needed my assurance before.” He didn’t say the words in such a way that would lead her to believe he meant to cause pain. Yet the lack of immediate support cut her deeply all the same.
“But I want it now.” Vi took a quivering breath. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep, perhaps it was all the events that had transpired adding up to a tally that was too high. Or perhaps it was his eyes that were making her come undone. “You’re correct—I’ll continue to do what I feel is right. I will take council, but ultimately make my own decisions. I will not feel regret or guilt for making the best decision I could at any given moment, given all the information available to me but—”
Her throat was thick and gummy, and she choked on her next words. “But…” Vi continued, or she might not have continued at all. “I want someone to say that what I’m doing is all right. Because in this moment I am so tired and unsure. In this moment, Taavin, I do not feel strong and I am laying myself bare before you asking—begging—for you to lend me some strength before morning comes and I have to face the world alone once more.”
