“If they want you to know, they’ll tell you,” Eli said, herding him with his larger body.
“Fine, but I’m only letting you get away with this because you’re hot.”
A laugh escaped me as the door shut behind them. Lucy was smiling too, though it faded quickly once the room became quiet.
“Tell me the truth, Grier. Why didn’t you tell us?”
I sighed. “It really was because I didn’t want to cause awkwardness if things didn’t work out. We hooked up after your wedding, and it was supposed to be a one-time thing. But the next time I saw him, we just…”
“Couldn’t resist?”
I nodded and shrugged. “Basically.”
“Why did you two, um…”
“I asked him to come to Yancy’s rehearsal dinner with me. He explained that he viewed our relationship as casual, like we discussed the first night.”
Lucy’s face hardened. “He didn’t tell you what he wanted when you hooked up the second time?”
I shook my head. “But I also didn’t ask or bring it up. Not that night. Or the next. Or a week later.” I huffed out a laugh, but my eyes stung with tears. “I was afraid to. I didn’t tell him what I wanted or what I was looking for either.”
“You mean my friend Grier didn’t establish her famous boundaries?” Lucy sounded incredulous, but it was enough to pull a sincere laugh from me.
“No, I didn’t. And I set myself up to be hurt.”
“Well, obviously y’all are together now, right? I mean he didn’t seem like he was upset that I caught you two trying to climb each other.”
“No. Um, when he saw that Seth was my date to the rehearsal dinner, he came by my apartment after. I told him that I wanted more than what he was willing to give me. That I wasn’t angry with him or anything. Just that I wanted something different than he did.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“How did we get here, to today, where he was trying to suck your face off?”
“He wore me down,” I finally said.
Her eyes narrowed as she studied me. “Grier.”
I sighed. “He apologized and asked me to give him another chance. He managed to convince me to try, but I’m worried.”
“Why?”
“He already hurt me once. I’m worried he could turn again, and it’ll hurt even worse this time. Just like every person in my life has hurt me.”
“I hurt you?” she asked, sounding so upset at the idea that my eyes were stinging with tears again.
“No, no,” I shook my head. “What I mean is that’s what it feels like. It’s not necessarily even true, but I felt abandoned as a kid. Like no one wanted me. You know my mom ditched me when I was little. Then my grandparents died. My foster parents passed after that, too. I feel like everyone leaves, whether they want to or not. And when he said he wasn’t interested in having more with me…I felt abandoned all over again. I thought he’d felt the same way I did and was just as scared to upset the balance between us.”
Lucy nodded. “I think I understand.”
“Good because I’m not sure I can think of a better way to explain it.”
“So, you’re worried that he’s going to walk away?”
“Yeah.”
“Have you talked to him about it?”
