His knuckles were white where he gripped the frame, and I thought I heard the wood creak. His obvious distress was almost enough to weaken my resolve, but I knew I couldn’t give in. He wasn’t toxic, but he also wasn’t ready to give me what I needed. And he might never be.
“Eli, you can’t even say the word relationship after everything we shared for weeks.”
He blinked at me. “But?—”
I didn’t want to hear whatever justification he was about to give me, so I interrupted him. “Even if it was just something casual, it was still a relationship. Just like friendship is a type of relationship. And I don’t hold it against you that you don’t want the same things I do—that we didn’t have the conversations we should have had. I’m equally responsible for the fact that we didn’t discuss it. I could have brought it up at any time, and I didn’t.”
His expression changed, some of the tension leaking from his posture.
“But that doesn’t change the fact that I want something more than a friend who fucks me. I’m looking for a partner. Someone I can build a life with. A family with.”
He swayed backward at my words, which brought a bitter smile to my face. That was exactly the response I expected.
“I have no hard feelings toward you. We want different things, and I understand that, but I refuse to waste months, if not years, waiting for you to change your mind. What we want out of our relationships isn’t compatible.”
“I don’t think I can walk away,” Elijah murmured, leaning closer, his face less than a foot from mine. “I—I,” he swallowed hard. “I miss you.”
Shit. Fuck. My calm façade was beginning to crack. My vision blurred as tears filled my eyes. I blinked hard, willing them away. The soft touch of Elijah’s fingers on my cheek had my eyes flying open. I jerked my head back.
“No!”
The sharp word exploded from my mouth, creating an invisible barrier between us. His hand hovered in the air, inches from my face, before he slowly lowered it to his side.
“I miss you, too,” I admitted.
“You don’t seem to,” he retorted, his tone hard. “It seemed like you found someone else to keep you company pretty quickly.”
“Fuck. You.”
At my growled words, it was his turn to blink. I stepped forward, which made him back away from my door, and poked his sternum with my finger.
“You ended things last week. You hurt me.”
“Grier—”
“Shut up,” I snapped. His mouth closed with a click of teeth. “I played a hand in it and let myself hope, so it’s not all on you. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Seth is a friend, and he makes me laugh. Something I needed after this week. Even if he was more than a friend, you don’t get to make me feel badly about it. You and I said what we needed to say last week.”
Elijah swallowed hard, staring down at me as though he’d never seen me before. In a sense, he hadn’t. I didn’t have much of a temper anymore. I’d learned to work through my emotions without the uncontrolled outbursts that I had when I was a younger.
I took a deep breath and released it with a sigh, letting the tension drain out of my body. “Look, Eli, I wish you the best. I hope you have a wonderful life and that you’re happy. I don’t want to taint the good memories we share with arguments and nastiness. I think it’s best if…” My throat got tighter as I spoke, so I stopped and cleared it. “I think it’s best if we leave things as they are. We’ll see each other once in a while with our friends, but I think it will be okay if we keep our distance.”
Elijah continued to stare down at me. I could almost see his mind working behind his eyes. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but I needed to end this conversation. The tears I’d managed to fight back earlier had returned with a vengeance, and I was seconds away from breaking down. I could feel it.
“Please, Eli.”
My pleading words seemed to penetrate through his thoughts. Elijah sighed and stepped back again.
“Okay, Gigi,” he agreed, his deep voice softer and gentler than I’d ever heard it.
My breath hitched in my chest as I moved to shut the door between us.
“For what it’s worth, I want you to be happy, too,” he said.
A quiet whimper tried to force its way out of my mouth, but I ruthlessly held it back as I met his eyes.
“Thank you.” My voice was rough and hoarse.
“Good-bye, Gigi.”
