Finally, Elijah said, “I thought you understood that this would still be a casual thing. I like hanging out with you, but I’m not interested in getting into anything serious. I guess I assumed you’d be the same since…” he trailed off when he saw the expression on my face.
I tried to school my features, but I knew I was failing miserably. “Since what?” I pressed.
He took a deep breath and sighed before he answered. “Since you’re so much younger.”
His words felt like a kick in my gut. That was why I hadn’t been to his apartment, why we didn’t go out to dinner or anything else. This wasn’t anything to him but a booty call. Or maybe friends with benefits. Then again, I wasn’t sure he respected me enough to consider me a friend based on what he’d just said. One day at a time meant I was the woman he called when he got horny.
The realization hit like an arrow to the heart.
Since the night of Lucy’s wedding, I hadn’t thought about the decade between us. I hadn’t even known exactly how old he was until a couple of weeks ago when I teased him about a thread of grey hair I’d found at his temple. I’d told him it would be really sexy when both his temples were a little grey. He’d laughed and said he was closer to forty than thirty, so it would be sooner rather than later.
God, this fucking hurt. I’d gotten my hopes up, and they’d been stomped, just as I’d worried they would be.
“You realize I’m about to turn twenty-six, right?” I asked. “I may be young, but I’ve been out of college for nearly five years. And even when I was in college, casual flings weren’t my thing.”
He winced a little at my words but didn’t say anything.
I continued, “If I had realized that all you were interested in was sex, I would have told you that I was looking for something more.”
Because I was watching him, I saw the tiny flinch around his eyes. It pissed me off even as it broke my heart. I was his younger hook-up, someone who wouldn’t push him for more than he wanted to give because I was so pathetically desperate for someone to love me. My stomach churned at the thought, and my mouth tasted like ash.
“But you knew that, didn’t you? That’s why you didn’t bring it up until I did.”
“Gigi—” he began.
I shook my head. “I’m not really interested in hearing your excuses, Elijah.”
I knew that I would feel used once the hurt faded, but right now the ache in my chest left no room for anything else.
“It’s complicated,” he finally said.
I nodded. “It is. We have mutual friends. I understand why you’d want to be cautious because I was careful, too. We would have to see each other again if things didn’t work out, and no one likes awkward get-togethers with their friends.”
“We’re also at different places in our lives.”
I nearly snorted in derision. I was right. In this situation, he was Davide, and I was Nick. He wasn’t ready to settle down, either due to fear or because he was having a blast fucking his way through the local population of women.
“You mean that you’re not prepared for a serious relationship, and I am?” I asked.
He stared at me, blinking, for a moment. “You are?”
Pain and anger intertwined in my belly. “I am. That’s part of the reason I struggle with dating. All the men I end up meeting or matching with online are only interested in booty calls and friends with benefits. I want someone in my life who sees me as more than a convenient place to get off.”
He opened his mouth, but I was done with this conversation. I had to be, or I’d be sobbing in front of him. I normally tried not to let my pride get the best of me, but I’d be damned if I let him see how much he’d hurt me. I got up off the couch, wrapping my blanket tightly around me.
“I think you should go, Eli. You’ve explained your position, but I’m looking for someone who is serious about me. I didn’t expect a marriage proposal after four weeks, but I did at least think you saw me as a potential partner.”
“Grier, that’s not?—”
I shook my head, cutting him off again. “I think we’ve said enough. I’m upset, but only because you didn’t make yourself clear when we started this…this…thing between us. If you’d been honest, we wouldn’t be in this position now.” I walked toward the hall that led to my bedroom, making sure the blanket was secure around me so I didn’t flash my bare ass to him. “I won’t make things weird or bad mouth you to the group, but I would appreciate it if you would give me some space right now.”
I didn’t wait for his response, I just dove into my bedroom and shut the door behind me. When I heard his soft footsteps slowly coming down the hall, I flipped the lock on the knob, and I didn’t give a shit if he heard it.
He stopped moving. “Grier, we should talk about this.”
I released a laugh and even I could hear that it was bitter. “I think you’ve said enough, Elijah.” I let my head fall forward against the door. “Please leave. I would like to be able to remain civil toward you when we’re all together in the future.”
The knob clicked softly, as though he put his hand on it, but it didn’t jiggle like he was trying to turn it.
